I do not have a computer or a toothbrush

Awesome.

I Have About 16 Hours Left In My House...

Oh my God.

Why Clinton is my favorite president:

"People in this world have always been more inspired by the power of our example than by the example of our power."
- Bill Clinton, DNC speech 28 August 2008

Well, hopefully my second favorite president as of the day after this election!

Democrats in the HIZOUSE!

Today I marked off a huge dream of mine since I was about 14 - I volunteered at and got into the Democratic National Convention, which is oh-so-luckily right here in Denver! After getting up at the ungodly hour of 6am and bussing into Market Station, I met up with the Rock The Vote bus group,

they tossed me a t-shirt and a stack of postcards, and sent me off into the great unknown. Which was actually that door at the convention center with the big blue bear.



I canvassed here for a few hours, only to be interrupted by these clowns headed for me at the crosswalk:


Don't they seem a little lost? I did, but when my partner started giving them directions to Minneapolis-St Paul, they seemed miffed. They proceeded to chant "Drill Here, Drill Now" on the corner, which caused the usually packed sidewalk to do this:


with an outer ring of glaring Obamaites. Good thing -we- actually value free speech, eh? I wonder what would happen to Obama demonstrators in St Paul. Another gross group was the anti-abortion league, a bunch of 'priests' with megaphones and pictures of dead aborted fetuses. No pictures of them, for obvious disgusting reasons.

Finally, I got invited to the Youth Voters press conference which was actually IN the convention center, a place I never thought I would get into. I thought you needed all sorts of fancy passes to get in, but it turns out most events are open to the public. Yay!



Last but not least, the SWAG of the day, from the lovely ladies at Planned Parenthood. <3!

Political prophylactics!


It was lovely and exciting and historical and I can't wait to go back Wednesday!

On My Dental Predicament -

I seem to be down four full grown wisdom teeth, as it were.
However, the experience of the Valium I made them give me plus the nitrous oxide plus the fact that they let me watch The Incredibles during the procedure made the whole thing seem awfully hilarious.
Plus, what could be bad about eating nothing but jello, pudding and gravy for a few days! (Okay, not technically gravy, but that is the more common use for cream of mushroom!)
I can't imagine why anyone would want to take vicodin if they didn't have to. Far from getting one high, all they seem to do is make me sleepy and nauseous. Ridiculous!

Cutest. Thing. Ever.

200th post - time for self-examination!

According to this (http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/tests/SameAnswers_t.aspx?id=310) VIA Signature Strengths test, out of 24 areas, my four strongest strengthy strengths are:

1. Love of Learning
2. Capacity to Love and be Loved
3. Kindness and Generosity
4. Humor and Playfulness

and my weakest, weakly weaknesses are (least to most sucky)

4. Self-control and Self-regulation (they asked a lot of questions about dieting! EW!)
3. Spirituality and Faith
2. Forgiveness and Mercy
1. Modesty and Humility

Fair? I think so. Curious what you guys think, open fire so to speak! and if you feel like taking the test yourself, go for it! If the link doesn't work, just google the test name!

....Heeey.

Commissioner Gordon is totally Sirius Black, guys.

Yes, I just noticed that.

101 in 1001 Update:

17/101 Finished!

(thesummerintodust.blogspot.com)

Dear Julia,

Your now ex-boyfriend tried to kiss me Sunday night.

Love and kisses ;-),
Kayla

Its much better

to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

My sister is wise.

Amanda:
"Fuck regrets. Especially regrets over fucking."

To Shake Things Up..

Things I Hate Thursday!

- Quiche.
- Groundings (of Amanda, she is driving me crazy)
- Ambiguity
- The existence of time/space
- Sour things
- Extended Essay graders
- Frustration
- Laziness
- Julia (/ Cat) (ok, ok couldn't help Facebook surfing tonight.)
- Facebook surfing
- Homework
- Change
- People changing
- Trips down memory lane. Certain ones.
- Pointlessness
- Boredom
- Everyone. With the exceptions of everyone I love.

Th-Th-That's All, Folks!

Subject		Grade
2008 MAY	ENGLISH A1 HL	5
2008 MAY	SPANISH B SL	6
2008 MAY	HIST.EUROPE HL in ENGLISH	6
2008 MAY	HISTORY EE in ENGLISH	D
2007 MAY	PSYCHOLOGY SL in ENGLISH	5
2008 MAY	BIOLOGY HL in ENGLISH	5
2008 MAY	MATH.STUDIES SL in ENGLISH	6
2008 MAY	THEORY KNOWL. TK in ENGLISH	B
Additional/Extra subjects
None
EE/TOK points:	1
Total points:	34
Results:	Diploma awarded

Some words -
Extended Essay WTF?

Even more, a 6 in MATH???

But, overall, alright!

My phone has been turned off. ALL. WEEK.

So Look what I made!



There is something seriously wrong with me.

The song "Lucky" by Radiohead

Has given me an inexplicable appreciation and renewed for the cello.

There is absolutely no cello in this song.

So... any ideas, Alli?

I just discovered a lake behind my house

Okay, well technically I knew about the lake already. But you can walk to it and there is a dock right here I never knew about. The moon is so so bright tonight, its like there is a spotlight behind me. Its also surprising how fast these waves come in. Call me a city girl, but it never even occured to me that lakes had waves. Anyway. This dock is a little cement ramp, about as big as two of these picnic blankets I'm sitting on now. Its not even cold. Windy and bright more than anything else. Walking up to it, it just looks like a big missing thing where the lake is. Like a big black hole. Its nifty. Really, more than anything else I'm wishing I was here with someone. Well technically I am, but not anyone really. My sister, yeah, but shes pretty busy with Lauren, lauren's interest, and an ex-hook up of mine to emphasize the isolate. Right now I'm thinking of the people I wouldve liked to have brought here. People I knew or people I don't know anymore, at least enough to show them this. Really what this is all highlighting is that I'm leaving home soon. If someone comes along, next year, I won't be at home. I won't have anything, just of my own, to show them. Either that is really sad, or its kinda, hopeful. They won't have anything, either, which makes we will all have to make new things to be ours, find new "lakes" and places. I hope at least that I can find a way to stay this sappily romantic, anyway.

On a happier note...

I just signed up for an actual class on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it turns out I like my job, in the end.

It Has Been PRECISELY 365 Days

Since I last talked to you.

I'm actually kind of jealous that its her that you are trying to talk to, who you won't leave alone. She doesn't have much to say to you.
Me? That's a different story. I have a fucking year's worth of things to say to you.

I'm itching to.

I suppose you haven't changed much. Still manipulating innocent people, turning us against each other. It's hard to see right through all of this, that you are actually actively trying to isolate us again. We should be angry with the right people.

It's really, really sad, however, that you have turned the tricks of psychology on yourself and you seem to actually have convinced yourself that you are telling the truth. That you never did what you did. Not only to Emma, but to Allison, hell, all of us. You don't even remember what a monster you are. And I wouldn't want to remember, either. Think you can teach me that trick so I can forever erase you, too?

Do us a favor. Leave us the fuck alone. Not just us, but everyone. No one needs scum like you in their lives. It wasn't worth it to be friends with you, to trust you above many others, for it to end like this and for me to get sick every time I hear your name. No one deserves that feeling, so no one deserves you cursing their lives.

I fucking hate you more than ever.

Tell it, Jack!

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" - on the road

Shut Up, Birds.

Why am I still awake?

Do You Think Thom Yorke Will Marry Me?

"High & Dry"
Radiohead
(1997)

Things I Love Thursday! 6/5/08

- Karaoke and Margaritas!
- My cell phone. We have been more inseparable than usual lately.
- My new Charlotte Russe 'uniforms.' (Though I hope the job gets more fun!)
- Halo on Normal level. Lots of screaming on my part.
- Oscar is so damn cuddly when it is rainy.

Well, The Dashboard Melted

But we still had the radio!!

A query:

Is it worth it to pay $30 and also have to see Good Charlotte in order to go to the Metro Station concert?

I've just written you a letter.

It is 6 pages long and it says everything.

You always think everything on here is about you.
Guess what?
This time you'd be 100% correct.

Narrow Stairs:

Death Cab's new album, and the official soundtrack to this summer!

A Poem for Today, Day of All Days

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
-EE CUMMINGS

This can't be right...

Wait, you're telling me I'm done?
I'm finished.
No more studying.
Even if I felt like being proactive and studious, nothing left to study?
No more homework?
No more IAs?
Extended Essays?
I don't have to have panic attacks this summer about said essays?
No more HL biology?
I can read what I want?
I can play freaking GUITAR HERO?
I seriously have time to play Guitar Hero???
In seven days, no more Cat??
I am actually, honest to God, truly and really
FINISHED WITH IB?????


Jeez, I'm going to miss it. Masochist?

A 15, because I have been regressing today.

1. You are the only one who I could watch Blue's Clues with that would answer all the questions wrong with me. Love!
2. You know what, you are actually pretty hot. and charming! Why does it seem like you are so out of my league?
3. God, I Fucking HATE you so much! I seriously don't get why it is me that you are bitching about! I don't even -do- anything to you! I'm much meaner to your 'bestie.' Why don't I have the balls to bitch you out?
4. It was kind of a relief. Ever since it got brought up, I was afraid I would suddenly be jealous, but no such bad luck, it turns out I actually -am- qualified to identify the inner workings of my mind!
5. Man, you are an asshole. That adorable Iron Giant had to get dead acause a you!
6. I don't trust you anymore, because the first emotion I feel anytime I think of a friend should not be betrayal.
7. I have been acting weird towards you. I'm sorry. It'll go away once I'm free from IB shackles!
8. Where'd you go?
9. You made me cry Tuesday morning.
10. It's sad, but this will keep it from becoming all the previous breaks all over again. Now its crunch time.
11. I don't mean to mock you, but she and I are right, you have changed a ton and a half in a weird way. Also, I hate each one of your new friends.
12. I WILL have sex with you by the end of the summer, dammit.
13. You aren't my enemy. You couldn't be if you tried (which you kinda did.) Keep up with this, and we may have a real friendship on our hands. We haven't ever had that before.
14. It totally was your fault, even if it was a little bit mine, you still should've known better!! goof!
15. You were here and gone so fast, and with the timing, if I hadn't found out I never would've noticed. I hate this. I hate that I believe it now. But for some reason, I don't hate you. Should I? I really don't know.

A Haiku

IB is tricky
not the history exam
but I fear Bio.

To Put it as Simply as I Can:

I wish this hadn't happened to Jon.

Things Are Looking Up!

These last few weeks had been a little, well, shaky. Everyone, (me especially) had been cranky and stressed as a general rule, and I was really having a hard time staying motivated for my exams next week. But the last week has definitely been one of the best I can remember of high school.

- Prom - everything I dreamed it could be! Looking great, being with my friends, sunrise, breakfast, all of it was fantastic.
- My friends are happy - I'm really excited for Blair and Laura, she is much with the nice and pretty, and Emma finally has the boyfriend she deserves.
- My history award - I know this sounds cheesy, but I really was very honored to get it. I seriously felt like I was about to cry when Ms. Tucker was talking about it, but luckily I realized the gayness rating of that would far exceed legal limits. So I smiled and took my award (and presents! I was the only one to get presents! Three really awesome sounding books!) I know this whole speil sounds pretentious, but I've worked really hard in that class for the last two years, and I really am very passionate about it, and having the people you are working for recognize that... well, it's neat.
- Exams - that award really gave me the kick in the butt I needed to become super-motivated to do well next week! Here's to 7's in English and History! Here's to passing math and bio! Spanish.... uh, Spanish!

I'm ready!

Weekly Resolutions 4/28

1. Memorize 1812 (more)
2. Make new bank account
3. Make at least 3 graduation presents

Weekly Resolutions 4/7

This week:
1. Make an appointment with the *DU Honors* chair and finish the application.
2. Do ab *workouts* and/or run
3. Finish *_Rant_* by Chuck Palahniuk. I'm not crazy for it, kind of plotless, but I feel the need to finish.

The very worst thing about a breakup is

you don't just stop loving the person, you just stop seeing them. Right now it feels more like we just haven't been able to see each other in two weeks, less like he really just isn't a part of my life anymore.
...
Fuck this shit.

I never ever wouldve imagined

That I wouldn't even -speak- to Ian on my 18th birthday.

Things I Love Thursday!

This one is easy, because today is my….
drumroll…
18th BIRTHDAY!!!

SO rock.

I love:
-The flowers Kelsey got me, Pink lily like things!
-My new purse from Emma, totally perfect for this summer
-French Toast with my 2 BFFs
-Chinese with Blur
-Looking GORGEOUS today and getting all sorts of compliments and "happy birthday"s.
-Being forever done with CAS hours!
-anticipation for my family dinner tonight (and presents lol yay!)

Weekly Resolutions 3/31/08

1. Finish CAS
2. Look fabulous on my birthday
3. Finish my playlist for the party

Things I Love Thursday, 3/27

I am currently on Spring Break in Southern California, which is TOTALLY my happy place, so I love a lot this week!

1. The Beach. Being from Colorado, I couldn’t possibly be further from a beach, so today was the second time ive ever seen the ocean (thefirst being when I was 10) and it was a really beautiful experience for me. i need to get a beach imported to Denver!

2. My new A-line haircut! So cute I can’t wait to surprise everyone with it!

3. Fashion Island, the most gorgeous and incredible mall ive ever been to. It’s in Newport beach, ‘The OC’ territory. Coming from it is my EXTREMELY fashion forward new outfit from Urban outfitters which I love as well!

4. Disneyland rides. They are so extravagant and detailed it blows my mind! Nods go to Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Carribean, and their amazing new Finding Nemo Submarine ride. And the fireworks and water projection shows nearly made me weep in delight!

5. Getting rejected from Claremont McKenna College, my first choice school. This sounds peculiar I know, but I think it is the universe speaking to me and putting me where I really belong. Going to Claremont McKenna would mean moving to Cali, and DU keeps me close to my amazing support system of friends and family I love so much. Plus, I love Denver itself! I could never leave it!

Honorable Mention: Pistachios. I tried them for the first time my first day in Cali, and they are officially my new favorite snack!

Weekly Resolutions: Spring Break Edition

Spring break California vacation edition!

1. Continue to drink 3+ giant water bottles a day.
2. Never (within reason) say no when the kiddies Adam and Katie want to play.
3. Take a picture of a really sick shark and a bamf whale at sea world.

1, 2, 3, 4. [Is there a song that I hate more? >_<]

31.5 Approximate number of hours of Spanish class left
173 Number of words in my poetry essay. I need about 827 more.
96 Theoretical number of minutes I've been 'working on it.'
8 Number on a scale of 1-10 that I would rate my current headache.
0 Amount of patience I seemed to have had on my traditional 'Wednes-date' today.
5 Number of pounds I have gained this week.
10 Size of my prom dress.
14 Size I am going to need at this rate.
70 Score I got on the history DBQ. I thought that was supposed to be the class I was good at?
62 Percent of tuition offered to me in merit scholarships at my
3 rd choice school.
16 Percent odds that I will be accepted to my first choice school.
67 Number of days until I graduate
0 amount of certainty I feel about any day after that.

Weekly Resolutions 3/16/08

1. Finish Molly's mix CDs - a 6 disc volume of getting her into listening to indie, plus mini-biographies on the 30 bands. lol i = music geek!

2. Do nice things for my sister every day. She is in her school's production of Les Miserables, so she'll be at school till 11 every night, not to mention stressed. I remember the feeling. She could definitely enjoy her room being spontaneously cleaned or a magical breakfast to go, i think.

3. Take pictures of my gorgeous new outfits for my 100 in 1001 blog (thesummerintodust.blogspot.com) to work on #22.

4. Finish 3 calculus worksheets. (Left over from last week, bad Kayla!)

5. Start a new book, either Dan Brown or ...Gossip Girl.

101 in 1001.

my new blog.

thesummerintodust.blogspot.com

Sleazy Mutant Romance!

Sir Lancelot gazed fondly into the soft blue pools of Lady Guineviere's eyes and gently held her mutant third hand. Wait, what?

http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/

Things I Love Thursday! 3/13

1. I got into Denver University (2nd choice) and University of Puget Sound (3rd choice) yesterday, and I only need to wait two more weeks before I hear from Claremont McKenna . I got 50% merit scholarship at UPS too!

2. I unearthed my old gameboy and played pokemon yellow for the first time in ten years. I adore 8 year old regression time!

3. My 101 in 1001 list I'm about to cross off two by the end of the week!

4. CSAP week.

5. Planning my Senior pictures outfits! I'll post again when they've been taken.

It is Over.

It's over. The waiting, nights waking up in literally a cold sweat, terrorizing every moment that I would end up having to apply to Red Rocks because I didn't apply to any schools I could get into.

Now that's all done.

The verdict is . . . . I am IN.

to DU!

I'm going to go to college!

Now if Claremont McKenna would only let me know...
you know, I would almost be fine if they rejected me. Being close to my best friends is plenty incentive to stay in the state I like a lot anyway.
But don't take that too seriously, CMC. I still adore you.

*First sigh of relief in 6 months*

Weekly Resolutions 3/10/08

1. Finish The Serpent and the Rainbow by Wade Davis. Its about Haitian zombies!
2. Let’s try this again… ten minutes of abs each day!
3. Drink at minumum 60 oz of water a day. Let’s kill that water weight!
4. Turn in CAS forms!
5. Complete two calculus worksheets!

and, if I am doing well (100%) by Friday…

6. Treat myself to this month’s Cosmopolitan!

The Calculus is Fun!

Zimgirl16 (9:00:51 PM): lol what -is- the derivative of sin? like, of sex before marriage?
Yozri Yirgg (9:01:35 PM): well, you'd have to find the slope
Yozri Yirgg (9:01:38 PM): which'd be tough
Yozri Yirgg (9:01:44 PM): unless you had a sex ramp

Things I Love Thursday!

1. Spike from Buffy! The cheekbones....
2. The fact that even if it is catastrophic, my Spanish oral will be O-V-E-R after 11:30am tomorrow!
3. El Espinada del Diablo y El Labrinto del Fauno (Pan's Labrynth), while on the subject of my Spanish oral. At least it is over movies I love!
4. Studying the Cold War now in history! *geek*
5. My new fish! He is a blue betta named Icky, short for Ichthyopod (means fish in geek speak) I've never had one before, I had to get him for a biology experiment, and i didn't have the heart to give him away. any fish tips for a first-timer?
6. The Serpent and The Rainbow by Wade Davis. About Haitian zombies. ZOMBIES ARE REAL!
7. America's Next Top Model (I can't believe they kicked off Allison for being bitchy! A total first time for ANTM... I kinda like the sassy ones...)
8. Starbucks' new honey lattes! I kind of had two today... lol not so good for the calorie count but AWESOME for the taste buds.

Walnuts

are ugly.

Weekly Resolutions

1. Do 10 minutes of pilates ab work every day (satin prom dress satin prom dress!)

2. Finish CAS.

3. Do AT LEAST 4 calculus problems per worksheet IN CLASS

4. Wear creative makeup one day this week

5. Practice my Spanish oral about Guillermo del Toro every day until Thursday!

I am an ACTUAL Fugitive Now!

I just hope the good kids are okay. Poor good kids don't know that 'stay right there' means 'run like hell' when you are trying to climb up on your high school's roof.

The little things

Are what make weeks like this bearable.

Today at Barnes and noble I was bummed I couldn't afford to buy this month's acclaimed cosmo, yet lo and behold, when I get home its sitting on the banister, a free gift subscription for my parents upgrading our phone line.

... Who could ask for anything more?

OH GOD YOU ARE SO TERRIFYING!

Aren't you? AREN'T YOU???!!!!
...you are even real!

Jeph Jaques Might Be Evil...

The creator of Questionable Content has a link up on his site to an HIV-denial site. That is, denying that the HIV virus causes AIDS and we should stop researching HIV.

http://www.thelastloversonearth.com>

...please don't be evil, Jeph!

I Bet You Still Read This

That's all I'm saying.

I'm not strong enough for that.

How am I supposed to be able to say goodbye to you? There will be some day when I have to actually come see you to say goodbye. I will know which is our last kiss. I can't imagine the will power that is going to take, to say, 'okay, that was the last time I will ever kiss you.'

Quince. (See, Mr. Gordon, I CAN speak Spanish! bastard.)

1. You DON'T like me, I KNEW it! Nice subtlety there, sister. But seriously though, why? I thought you were generally cool with me. Well, that's okay, I don't like you either.
2. One: You are a bastard. Two: I bet I speak Spanish fine. Three: You are a bastard.
3. I thought about calling in my contingency plan and considered letting things continue indefinitely within the same three hour period. At least it usually ends up somewhere in the middle, or else I would go nuts.
4. It's like every second I see you I just HATE you exponentially more. I swear you dress like that JUST to piss me off.
5. This is SO ridiculous. I mean, wasn't this over three YEARS ago? You think you are impressing people with the 'oh, only you get me, i'm SO dark, no one even knows' act, but that is ALL it is, and all you can ever do, because you act so much I think you forgot how to have real emotions.
6. I can't stop thinking about you. I HATE that.
7. You were absent today. It was AWESOME. Do that more.
8. I tried not to jump to conclusions, but that was too cute to be non-intentional. Was I right?
9. So if it's my idea, you are not interested. Story of our lives, eh?
10. You are so the best IM partner in years!
11. You are a grown up in one minute. dont start acting like one!
12. You appear to only have one flaw. for realz?
13. I get SO MAD when I think about you! *sigh* stupid calendar.
14. You are cute. I will miss you in March! But you get to be a whore, which is really exciting! lol
15. You can trust me.

Consortiums and Pages.

Zimgirl16 (09:28:14 pm): lol its part of the 'consortium' with pomona, scripps, harvey mudd and such
Zimgirl16 (09:28:21 pm): nice and pretentious, i know
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:28:57 pm): a consortium seems evil to me.
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:28:58 pm): haha
Zimgirl16 (09:30:54 pm): hehe, maybe i will be facing off with the justice league by my junior year! one can only hope.
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:31:57 pm): yeah, i hear there are great internship opportunites under supervillians.
Zimgirl16 (09:33:06 pm): getting coffee and uranium and all that.
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:33:57 pm): really a good idea to get into the field, start working up the career ladder to evil mastermind.
Zimgirl16 (09:36:50 pm): >_< i just tried to type the HUAC was started by Sen.spiderman.
Zimgirl16 (09:36:54 pm): it wasnt.
Zimgirl16 (09:37:04 pm): he was only a page at the time

you CRAZY-ass!

"Not only do I not want a North American Union, I want us out of the U.N., the IMF, the World Bank, the WTO, UNICEF, AFTA and CAFTA. NAFTA has nothing to do for free trade. … [Free trade] is very, very important, but you don't get that by world government."

-Ron Paul

Opposes reauthorization of the assault weapons ban. Opposes mandatory trigger locks for handguns. Opposes waiting periods for gun purchases. Owns a variety of firearms. NRA member. Has a concealed carry permit.
-Huckabee

Which One? Courtesy of Cache <3

HATE HATE HATE HATE

Fucking Jendo!

It's Really Not Fair.

CHRONICLES OF NARNIA

....Prince Caspian.

May 14th.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I am SUCH a Narnia geek.

>_<

Because I don't want to end the night grouchy,

A Soundtrack to Me!

Pick ten-fifteen songs, write a memory with each.


Basket Case - Green Day - Because I knew the words to this song, I met three of my favorite friends from high school, Morgan, Lauren and Cacia. Singing [quietly] backstage before the second orchestra concert of the year.

Rush - 2112 - Okay, so this is really an album, but it is entirely representative of the one night Haley and Neil and I spent at Kenton's, which remains one of the best of high school. This memory would be complete if one were to throw in a bag of doritos, magic cards, crouching tiger and my death cab for cutie tshirt being worn by not me. And Not haley. and not kenton. lol.

Anything by Muse - It turns out that when freshmen girls get locked in a dark temp far removed from the school while decorating spring flings, they tend to fall in love with Matt McGorrin for about three days. Its a common problem.

Work - Jimmy Eat World - The Lindsey Goad phase, and all that came with it. In particular, I get dressed for spring fling with lindsey, emma and anqi. Anqi and lindsey proceed to tell my insecure freshman self I look like a skank, and they give me 'more appropriate' clothing. Yet that was still an oddly fun night.

Going Away to College - Blink-182 - My first boyfriend wrote the lyrics to this song in a card and I, not having heard the song before, asked him if he wrote them. He, being nuts, said yes. I, being gullible, believed him. Goes down in sophomore lore forever.

Neighborhood #3 - Arcade Fire - This was the first indie song I ever heard. It remains one of my favorites. This song gave me a completely new lifestyle, all by itself.

Carousel - Blink 182 - My first date with Ian. His dad picked us up from school and drove us to the mills. We both sat in the backseat and neither of us talked. We walked around aimlessly for an hour or so, he asked me what my favorite color was awkwardly and he bought Burger King for dinner. All in all, an adorably awkward first date. As they all should be.

There's Always Someone Cooler Than You - Ben Folds - We probably listened to this song every day sophomore year when we would every day go to Good Times for lunch and every day eat it in front of Mr Hannagan, with whom we were always willing to share fries.

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny - Lemon Demon - This ridiculous song was repeated word for word by Sam outside of my Geometry class with complete sincerity. For a sophomore, this apparently makes a person a real catch. (said with un-bitter sarcasm. Just normal sarcasm.)

The Mariner's Revenge Song - The Decemberists - It is an indie song, and it is about pirates. It could only be allison and I's favorite song for weeks on end. We even had plans to enact its vengeful plot on unruly ex boyfriends.

Build Me Up Buttercup - The Temptations - Howling the lyrics to this every ten minutes with my 23 best friends for two weeks - LEP 2006. In particular, when we all just let Jay sing the lead vocals and he had 20+ backup singers.

The Luckiest - Ben Folds - I bet Ben didn't realize how bitter this song can be when he wrote it. It is certainly bittersweet because as lovely as the song is, it reminds me of every bad thing to happen to my best friend in our junior year, of which there were too many. But all those things got us where we are now, so I suppose it deserves noting.

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes - Of course, this song makes it here. It was written on a window just for me, and I feel the same way i did when I saw it that first time every time I hear it.

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's - Standing on the precipice of what would become a very pivotal summer with nothing more than hopes for the best, and new friends. That 'best' that we were hoping for apparently didn't get the invite, but that kind of anticipation and uncertainty that May held was kind of a great feeling, in a way.

Julie-O - Mark Summers - Allison is an amazing cellist, and reminds me I will always, always have music (and her) in my life.

Intervention - Arcade Fire - Now we are pretty much grown ups, and we have to move out into the real world, inherit all its problems and hope that maybe we can make a difference out there. To really, really kickass organ chords. (One can only hope.)

I know you're all mostly right,

but i do know some things for myself. like I totally realize what we have isn't the ideal in a lot of respects, but when it is, when something cute or sweet happens that makes me all bubbly, not a single one of you care at all. I mean, my one year anniversary was two weeks ago. Did anyone ask me about it? No, not so much, not a fucking person. Not even my own mother. Because how could something so dysfunctional ever be good enough to make me happy? I know most of the time you are right, but there do exist two actual human beings in this relationship, with the same amount of personality qualities as anyone else, even some great ones, believe it or not. It's not fair, and I know that you've all three gone through things similar to this, but maybe you could just remember how it feels when that is all you hear from anyone. Its like no one thinks you are capable of making your own decisions, that everyone knows better than you do.
I'm not making any excuses, God knows he's done some things seriously wrong, but there is a reason I'm still happy, maybe my word will be taken on that one a little.

And to whom it may concern, on our anniversary he brought me flowers and told me he would never trade the last year for the world, for all the imperfections it might have had.
And I feel the same way.


But I'm not mad at you guys, just frustrated with the situation. Don't get me wrong.

To lavender pillow spray:

Where have you been all my life?

... I feel so perfectly girly.

My dreams will even smell good!

You aren't even -trying-.

You are the opposite of trying.

15 'gain.

1. Maybe you aren't so good for me. Maybe you fuck with me just a liiiitle too much.
2. You are going to be hella pissed at us, but I hope we are still friends after!
3. Since when do you KNOW that I hate you? I am supposed to be the bitch to -you-, not the other way around!
4. You are so yucky. What was I thinking? I guess I didn't have to be around you too much.
5. You do -want- to make things the way they were again, right? An off hour difference shouldn't be enough to do this much damage.
6. Oh grandma, what blue tights you have! What a disturbing jumper! (Yes I know you got two but whatevs I hate you twice as much as the average bear.)
7. You are doing great.
8. I am so worried for you. I don't know if you can (or will, i guess) do this without being told what to do, but I guess that doesn't say much for me.
9. Back off, beeotch!
10. Our house has a revolving door. We have a Mary Poppins date. Don't forget?
11. On and off, but the On was short this time. *phew!*
12. If I am going to spend 75+ hours locked in either a smelly room or a dark hole, I'm glad it's with you!
13. You a crazy bitch. P.S. Please do not wear different gaudy dangly earrings in each ear again, it is too hard to learn math and biology AND spanish when I am laughing that hard. (Oh God, I just realized I have 4 classes with you, GROSS!)
14. You make fun of me for it, but I do laugh at pretty much everything you say.
15. I miss you I miss you I miss you. We don't even live that far apart. What is WRONG with us?

Tat!

P.S. That is not my arm.

I used to feel like a princess with you.

Do you at least think I'm still worth it?

15 fellows

1. I saw this coming a mile away, and believe me, I really wanted to stop it from happening. But how do you tell someone something like that? You can't and its terrible, because I would've done anything to keep you from ever being hurt, ever. No one deserves it less.
2. You sure did 180. When I first met you, I really thought all the other guys in town had a thing or two to learn from you. Turns out, the only thing anyone should learn from you is how to self-destruct and lose your perfect girlfriend and all your friends by being a lying asshole. Funny how that can sometimes happen.
3. You. There have only been two of you, and you were in some ways the most intense. I've never figured you out, and it bugs me that you dangled it in front of me and then did your famous disappearing act. I know things aren't radically different now from how they've been all year, but they feel like it. More un-bridgable. That's thanks to her of course.
4. I just thought of you totally randomly. I don't remember very much, but I do remember your eyes were grey, we listened to nirvana on your discman as ipods hadn't been invented yet, you went to the dance with a girl named Shae. Also, since I met you in the summer between 8th and 9th grade, you were the first boy I flirted with and you've got a couple other firsts too. What's become of you, I wonder. How odd that I used to know you but now we both still exist.
5. I hope things work out for you. I don't think you are fake like everyone else, I think you just have a genuinely hard time with things we all take for granted. But I think you are genuinely kind too.
6. I met you in a very impressionable time, so you came to represent everything I thought high school would be. You were such a... I don't know, a 'concept person,' if that makes any sense. Meeting you really changed my life. Hell, you were even my first kiss. (I will never get over how weird that is.) When you left, I learned about injustice for the first time. It was a big deal to fight something so hard and lose. I think we all took something away from that. I have no doubt that my life, I, would be drastically different if you had never left. We do miss you a lot, sometimes.
7. Break up with the hagfish already! Or should I say catfish. All of us remember some pretty great times with you, we would like to have some more before we graduate!
8. Man, you have a history of making me hella confused periodically. I always come to the same (and correct) conclusion, but otherwise you're a pretty fun friend.
9. Too bad you can't be as nice as you were last spring. What a weird blip. I think my best friend just has a knack for bringing out the best in those that fall for her, even if in your case the effect was tragically temporary. Man, you sure are a prick nowadays though.
10. It really, really sucks that we can never have our friend back. He used to be alright, and we miss that guy.
11. To Seth Cohen : you are my soulmate, please don't be a fictional O.C. character anymore.
12. You are just plain bizarre. Which is the opposite of a yak.
13. You are doing an excellent job, keep up the good work there, tiger.
14. I'm glad I have met your acquaintance this year, you have quite the wit and are pretty nice to boot.
15. I saved you for last because of course you mean more to me than you can imagine. I met you two and a half years ago, and yoi have been changing my life ever since. I haven't been able to get you out of my head, nor have I wanted to. You've taught me that silly little lesson they sing about so much in moulin rouge, which really is the greatest thing you'll ever learn. I digress in yucky mushiness, however. What ever ends up happening in our futures, I know you will always, always be a part of my life. I wouldn't and couldn't have it any other way. I love you.

How to Lose [and find] Yourself In Three Days.

Tuesday night I was so wracked with guilt and terror and helplessness that I actually could not sleep, period.

This came from a revelation that I actually have no desire to go to music school, a realization so huge that I became terrified I was only making it out of laziness. Also didn't help that my FRYS director thinks I quit FRYS weeks ago, something I definitely didn't do. And my legs were REALLY itchy. So no sleep.

I wondered Wednesday as I drove to math class [fifteen minutes late], am I losing it? Am I becoming ambitionless, am I giving up on myself and my dreams [not to mention my cello], do I have any convictions or passions left, who am I even anymore???

I may have been overreacting.

Since then, I have accepted that maybe music school really wasn't what I thought it would be, and maybe it isn't so terrible of me to make the decision not to follow it, at least for now.

Today, I rediscovered my passion for history. Not as lucrative or romantic as a passion to study music, but I really do like it an awful lot.

Also, I hate my stand partner.
Let me tell you why this is important.
I really cannot stand this girl. She is a chunky, obnoxious, whiny girl that never got over being voted 'best sense of humor' in eighth grade graduation. Most importantly, she is trying to be me. I earned the title 'Benevolent Dictator' within my section after months of bossing everyone around. Now she comes around, a JUNIOR, trying to boss people!
Nuh UH.
That's my job so hugely.
So now, the best way to get at someone like that is to boss them. She could never STAND it! hehehe. But it is imperative that if I am going to tell her to watch the sharps, I know the sharps pretty damn well myself, or else I will have absolutely no credibility and that just won't do. So hatred has motivated me to become a kick-ass cellist and section leader, just to piss her off.
It works, I practiced for two hours today.

So things aren't as bad as Wednesday-me thought they were. This has prompted me to come up with what I like to call

THE GAME PLAN.
1. Content yourself with your college choices, now excluding Puget Sound School of Music and Berklee.You will love CMC or DU.
2. Do your homework, keep your grades nice and tidy.
3. Keep up with Pit Orchestra, be psycho about not missing rehearsal.
4. Stay at Target until your 18th birthday in April. Then, promptly quit and apply for a job you don't hate quite so bad. Think Borders, Buckle, Hot Topic maybe.
5. Boyfriend situation: good. Be super cute on 1 year anniversary, coming up a week from tomorrow. See at least twice a week until musical is over.
6. Renounce Mock Trial quitting guilt, since you still don't regret it at ALL.
7. Friends situation: Stable. Find the other bee eff eff and find out what the heck is going on.
8. Make the book.
9. Get yourself to Buffalo, Twist and Shout, get a Paste magazine for God's sake! You used to call yourself a hipster! For shame. Take Alli.
10. Also, watch Buffy with Alli.
11. Get IN to all-county. Past that, enjoy the day at Boettcher.

This should get me through the next five months alright. Its all downhill from here, in the GOOD sense, not the losery sense.

Second Semester Begins!

It was unspectacular.

Senioritis commence.....3..........2........1

Dear 2008,

Hey, hey hey. I really think we've started off on the wrong foot here, 2008. I was innocently looking forward to you as much as the next guy, and what do I get? Two hours into you you smack me with a fever of 103.2, and the very next day you smack me with wonderful news that will keep me bedridden for the rest of your first week, and now you've convinced me to give up on music school?
Now, I don't think this is quite fair.
I've got nothing against you, 2008! In fact, you could say I've been counting down to you for twelve years; I graduate in you, I become an adult in you, I go to college in you! I'm pretty fond of you, in theory! So whats with the playa hatin'? Believe me, the last thing I need is a shitty 2008, so why don't we start over? And maybe set down some more ground rules:
1. NO MORE wonky diseases.
2. No dumb immatureness fights. I would like to actually leave high school entirely in you and not carry on that little aspect.
3. If possible, no world wars or epidemics? This may be asking a lot, but I really do have a lot on my plate already.
4. No heartbreak! None for me, none for my friends, none for anyone!
5. Goodish grades? Please?
6. No new bitches and/or hoes. The old ones will suffice.
7. No financial hardship beyond normal college poorness.
8. A little inspiration? This is a biggie.
9. Maturity for me!
10. As for my friends, I'm pretty good with them. Please do not be evil to them either.

Thank you, 2008, and I'm sure if we can both follow these little guidelines things will shape up in a hurry.

P.S. Oh and THANKS for making me think we went back to school on the 9th! lies, all lies.

Can't Sleep -

Clowns'll eat me.

Bloggity Bloggity Blog Blog Blog

Queries:
Why am I up so late on finals night?
Since when do I consider 11:43 pm to be late?
Am I now a granny?
More importantly,
Why the hell can't I stop blogging?

Finals Fifteen

1. If you aren't well liked, I must not be either, because we are hella similar. I like you! We can hang out anyway, right? [This one is double counted.]
2. You and I are in this one together, which makes it so much less horrible. We just have to figure out what the hell we need to do.
3. Your family is far more adorable than you give them credit for. You seem to function pretty darn well with them, better than I do with my dad, anyway.
4. Go to hell, I still say plants can't fucking breathe, you mind-decimating Nazi ho bags.
5. Why did you make me such a lovely, lovely cupcake? Even your ENVELOPE was amazing. Gah, worst friend in the world award goes to yours truly!
6. I know you're excited, but keep your skirts on, it will be awhile.
7. We would probably get sick of bailing each other out if it didn't save -both- of us from sheer annihilation pretty evenly. Thanks for being my bee eff eff, biology is only the tip of the iceberg of things I could never do without you!
8. Okay, this is getting silly. TWO months without seeing you? I need to give you your fudge! Also, as a side note, Alli and I are going to do all of the nice things in the world for you. That is that.
9. Where'd you go? We miss you so. Fucker. (also, since when do I quote Ft. Minor?)
10. It still isn't you, but if it was you it would make things way easier.
11. Really, that is just not nice. What's done is done. Especially in this case.
12. Be home! I want to play!
13. September can never ever ever ever come.
14. I'm going to try my hardest with you, but I always come back to thinking
15. It would have been me.




and i might have loved it.


but really, I don't know what I mean by that.

Testing 123

Maybe I can Blog from my phone?

We Can't Let This Happen, Okay Guys?

Left And Leaving
The Weakerthans

My city's still breathing (but barely it's true)
through buildings gone missing like teeth.
The sidewalks are watching me think about you,
sparkled with broken glass.
I'm back with scars to show.
Back with the streets I know
Will never take me anywhere but here.
The stain in the carpet, this drink in my hand,
the strangers whose faces I know.
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say " I wanted it this way"
Wait for the year to drown.
Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest,
the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
new words for old desires,
and every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.

A Rant... but I think i might like the ending.

So I did something that no one in the entire universe ever ever EVER expected me to do, with the list of skeptics beginning with me, fo sho. But I did it anyway...
I just sort of stopped hating Julia... weird.
I was just sitting there behind her, and she had this text from Sam on her phone that she was as usual showing off to Jen, and I was as usual sitting there literally seething. I hated the concept of her with my CMF, to steal a term from emma, (Close male friend lol) so much that my hands would actually shake and I would feel faint and sick from all the blood rushing to my face. So I was sitting back there, all of that happening to me, and I realized, 'hey, this literally FEELS shitty. this is absolutely no fun at all. Actually, this sucks.' And I noticed, hey, if i can notice this, why couldn't i just... take the easier path? Wouldn't it feel a lot nicer just to look at Julia (which I have to do a lot and will have to do even more next semester) and not have my blood boil? Of course this is 99% to do with Sam... last night I ended up feeling really bad for him, for being so stuck with a girl friend and a friend who were seemingly mortal enemies for good. I left him with that exact idea, I thought the same thing. I even told him I wouldn't even be CIVIL to her for his sake. But tonight at rehearsal, it just suddenly seemed so stupid. I have to see her ALL the time, and she is dating my friend, who actually does deserve to be happy, however that is accomplished, and on top of all that it had been quite some time since she actually did anything to me directly, or to anyone I like. So... I asked her if she thought 14 December was too early to make New Years Resolutions. She didn't think so, so i told her i was thinking about resolving to STOP being a high school girl. Ironically, this morning I told William that I had this weird feeling that this whole scandal would be my last hurrah, gossip wise, and I think I might have been more correct than I anticipated. I told Julia that really, when it came down to it being mean or angry all the time doesn't get anyone anywhere, so I thought I would just stop. Especially with her dating Sam and all. She probably didn't appreciate being thrown directly into the conversation like that, but she did engage, and she asked me if i had a big problem with that. I told her I really, really really did until about ten minutes previous. But that it got old. And did she want to get coffee some time on break.
Really, the best thing about this was the reaction it got from Sam. I mean, anyone who is acquainted with either of us would be completely baffled to walk into a room and see her and I chatting away about CAS hours and Mr Harris. Sam literally stood back and pointed at us and yelled 'what in the HELL is going on? Who ARE you people?!' and it was kind of awesome. When do you ever freak people out by being nice? And honestly, it was so much easier to be in their shared proximity tonight. No threat of vomit. Nice.
So, yeah, its unexpected and yes very weird. No, I am not sure that it will/can stick, or that i won't change my mind. No, this isn't universal, I haven't began having ideas of having a girls night with Cat and Kathrin and Andrea and whoever, I am still mostly sane. No, I'm not expecting anyone else to share my conversion (although peace is generally preferable to outright warfare in the situations in which it can be readily achieved.) But I guess for now I will give it a go... and so will she, I suppose.

If I can write two more essays tonight

then i just might get into this college.

5 down, 2 to go

I am SO ready to be done with IAs.

I'm really quite a wreck without.

I miss my cello.
I miss Alli.
I miss FRYS.
I miss Jake.
I miss my boyfriend.
I miss reading.
I miss Sam and Danielle.
I miss my sister.
I miss shopping.
I miss my past.
I miss writing.
I miss sleepovers.
I miss Aaron and Eli.
I miss clarity.
I miss Annie.
I miss TV.
I miss A's.
I miss fucking SLEEP.

So, assuming I can finish my IA tonight -
Can I have all that back please?

Um, Veteran's Day is a National -Holiday.-

So here I am.
Not at school.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

At Sweet Last

The Transpiration Lab of Doom and Destruction is FINISHED. CORRECTLY.

It nearly killed me. Good Lord.

who am i kidding?

I have completed this 6 page biology lab no less than four different times.
Each time, as I finish my last data table (The lab involves finding 28 averages, 196 standard deviations) I realize that I have either averaged or found the standard deviation of the wrong data.
Each time takes me an hour.

I have never felt so hopeless in my life. I wish I was exaggerating. I cannot forsee myself ever correctly completing this lab. It was due today... I've spent 5 hours redoing the data collection only. Let alone the graph I am bound to screw up royally another 4 times.

Why haven't I dropped out yet? This isn't fucking worth it.

Nate and Kyle:

You guys aren't half bad.
*nod of appreciation*

22 Ways Kayla and Kelsey Can Get World Series Tickets

-paint a parrot grey to look like a pigeon, make it memorize ATM numbers and steal money for us.
-set our houses on fire and collect the insurance money.
-kidnap a freshmen for a ransom.
-kill an elephant and sell ites tusks on the black market.
-cure AIDS before Wednesday and sell the vaccine.
-make nuclear materials deals with Iran.
-Transport cocaine across the border.
-get a boxer to throw the big fight and bet on his underdog opponent.
-start a worldwide phenomenon pop group and sell tix for >$1000 each.
-write the gread American novel.
-find out an ultra top secret CIA operation and blackmail the government.
-sell our bodies to the night, of course.
-bet best friend's Babe Ruth baseball in high stakes poker game and actually remember to win.
-steal an Alaskan glacier under cover of darnkess and sell to Saudis for drinking water.
-train a seal to paint in watercolor and sell its work.
-sell 1/8th of Ian Lausa's hoodies.
-sue McDonalds because I stepped on a Happy Meal Transformer toy yesterday and it hurt like a bitch.
-find a peasant girl to marry who can spin gold thread after shady dealings with 'good' fairy.
-sell our eggs from our ovaries.
-run donation drive for rabid squirrel awareness and keep da moolah.
-make fake alter-ego, get him a social security # and a credit card and charge as many as we like.
-sell Connor's kidnies.
-Scrounge in penny tray at 7-11 and in car, in between couch cushions. You never know.

And for once, its not IB's fault.

I Just don't know what to do with myself.
-Jack White

I'm Not Going to do What I Usually Do.

I'm older and wiser.
But still...
fuck. I didn't see that coming.

Reason # 528475239 why I love Jake

From a Myspace survey:
"19. Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing?
GOD YES. It's like trying to read german written in hebrew upside-down with words missing. It's like trying to explain why the chicken came before the egg. It's like trying to live in Antarctica with nothing but a spatula. It's IMPOSSIBLE."
-Jake

and that's what i felt like today. Thanks, IB

"I fight like hell to hide that I am giving up."
-Conor Oberst

Things that should NOT be in the Arvada Center Storage Room:

-Tiny trees
-huge vats of water with a current running through them to nowhere
-A FUCKIN PILE OF SNOW

but i got to hit jake in the face with a snowball and there is NO WAY he EVER could have seen it coming.

For Your Information...

I'm not a gossip.
I'm an oral historian.

(says alli)
(i hearchoo!)

Love Letters

Dear Amanda,
It's beyond awesome that one can be born with a readymade best friend who is as rocking awesome as you are. I feel so lucky that I just -get- this fantastic girl who is basically funnier than anyone I will ever meet, hotter than a fox (which is just a bonus when walking around in public - residual check-outs, you know) AND who I can have in-depth conversations with at distances of across a 100 yard concert hall. Also, we rock because us screaming at each other and kicking smalls of backs is now simply a tool of general stress relief, and you will still clean my room before Mom gets home if I need it. Well, sometimes. How awesome that I can't concievably ever fall out with you!

Dear Emma,
If there is one thing we do really really well, it is persevere. Its probably because we are both so god damn stubborn, but it will take a hell of a lot for us to ever stop being bee eff effs. Its going on six years that we have been a singular entity, and a total of nine years of dirt and the like that we have on each other. We are never in anything on our own, because we have grown up loving and helping each other through everything that has been thrown at us, and that has definetly included some serious curve balls. (sidenote: I should not watch the Rockies while writing my best friend a love letter.) But I digress. I couldn't do this without you, emmala. This is the kind of thing I intend on keeping for as long as humanly possible (read: fo eva!)

Dear Ian,
I love you so so SO much. We haven't had an easy go of it, overall. We had to really work at this, but all that work just makes being with you that much sweeter, because we have had to really earn it. We are totally devoted to each other, and I can't imagine how empty my life would be without you in it. As far as all the rest of your friends go, we all admire you for how unwaveringly kind you are. I know you don't always see that as a good thing because yes, it can get you taken advantage of, but if someone needs you, you will do anything for them. A friend of yours could never feel unwanted or unsure that you are the most genuine person they know. You have the status of my only love, which means I am completely yours. (So whaddya say... wanna date? lol)

Dear Alli,
It was really hard to write that letter about you, because it didn't cut it to say (truthfully) that you really are unique in every way. You are loving and loyal to be sure, but throw on top of that witty, exciting, imaginative, playful and insightful in everything you do. At the same time. Whilst juggling. I don't care if we're on opposite coasts next year, you are fantastic enough to fill up the whole stupid middle! All the time I spend with you stands out sharply in my memory, because for you nothing is ever regular or ordinary. A huge chunk of what I remember as high school will be the times I spent with you, perusing Broadway, making pies, being broken at pit, being called a slut at vampire movies with you and also our favorite activity of mocking everything in sight... You make up a huge part of me, and that can never change.

Dear Kelsey,
A gangsta-ass nigga plays her cards right! (um, that'd be you.) I know I love you because I know you would have giggled had you read the word 'whilst' above. I love you because you can make fun of me (and I you) to no ends, and we'll just laugh harder. I love that the first night we spent together by ourselves, we ended up in a place called Barbara Ann drive. And most of all, I admire you because you will always be surrounded with people you love because you value your friends above all else. As we do you.

Dear Annie,
You really deserve a best friend status, because we only see each other steadily for one twentyfirst of the year, and regardless we always pick up just where we left off. You get me amazingly well, and I love everything about you, for real. Whether we are coffeeing at our semi-monthly coffee date or over taping the taut tarps, we have a blast. Everything you do is heartfelt and passionate. You will really the next great American writer, a lot because of that. You open up, and put yourself so far on the line that I could never imagine being so brave. I know I can always trust you and that we will always be there for each other to lean on.

Dear Jake,
I have never seen you do a mean thing. Wow. I got to be really close with you suprisingly fast, considering we used to only see each other maybe once every two months before FRYS started. You deserve the world, because that is what you give to your friends. All the rest of us can do is try to keep up with you, and maybe even learn from your example of what a best friend should be.

Dear Danielle,
I got a big sister at 17 years old. And she is everything a fantastic one should be. While we are always the first to admit we are SO the unlikeliest of friends, I think the adverse circumstances we overcame to get here really show that we aren't the fairweather type. I can always come to you with things I can barely even admit to myself, and you can always help me rationalize and decompress and generally come out of any of our discussions a better person. I wish I could give to you as much as you give to me, but for now I'll just have to continue working on your Christmas present I've started ;-)

Dear Ben,
I came back to my favorite place in the world this summer, and you were one of the two people that made it what it was this time around. It was different for both of us this year, but we had each other through it, and that built up a huge trust between us. I miss you so much! Its not fair that we have so much going on right now that I can't even talk to one of my best friends in the world, just because you live a state away. You would be fascinated how much my friends at school have heard about 'my best friend Ben from LEP', and that is because you are so unique that after knowing you I see things with your spin on them, that spin being one of pure awesome.

Dear Lauren (Golder),
Every one of our mutual friends always talks about you with close to downright reverence. You really are a goddess! We never take ourselves too seriously (hoot! we're owls!), refuse to take others who take themselves too seriously too seriously (bono!), and we always have the time of our lives together. You live one-hundred percent for yourself, and that makes you unlike anyone else I know. You were totally shocked when I told you you are (well, were) intimidating, but that is just because people don't really know what to do when they're faced with real individuality.


Dear Lane,
I am nothing but comfortable around you. I could be having the shittiest of ever-so-shitty days, and you are always the one to smile and wave at me and act genuinely excited to see me, as I always am to see you! Your sense of humor and your friendliness and especially your sky-high self esteem leave everyone around you feeling like life really can be fun, if you let it be. I unwind whenever I'm with you, and its great to be able to have a friend like that. Oh, and you will make a BEYOND excellent vampire for aych-ay-double ell-oh ween!

Dear Lauren (Scott),
It was a little surprising to me that when I was counting off in my head the people who make my life worth living, you were way up here. And that's saying nothing about how amazing of a friend you are, because you really are one of my favorite people. Can anyone who has ever met you honestly say you've never made them laugh till they've cried? You know who you are, and if people don't like it you will be the first to flip them the bird, and that is the kind of attitude we all sometimes wish we could live by. You're really the least fake person I know, which is really hard to believe from an outsider's perspective, because it doesn't seem right that one person could be so BOMBastic! Also, its awesome that to you 'grubass' means delicious. I love Lauren speak!

Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love,
The Person Whose Life You All Make Worth Living.

Its good to know

That the films:
-Rock-a-doodle
-Happily Ever After
-Once Upon a Forest
-All Dogs Go to Heaven
-Dumbo
-The Great Mouse Detective
-Pinocchio

Not only existed outside of a dream state, but also -
were kinda (and in some cases, very) creepy.

Yay, 90's crack cartoons! Movie night once ROT-tober is over?

All is kinda right with the world.

Awesome!

Revival of 15

1.I missed you! I was afraid things would be different now, but now I can rest quite assured, we're both pretty fond of each other. On account of how distinguished we are. Quite.
2.It was really nice hanging with you again today. I can really let my guard down for once. Maybe we'll actually get close like back in the day, that would be beyond rockin awesome.
3.I love seeing you in your element like this... This always brings out the best in you, which just proves that you really are pretty darn selfless with the people who matter to you.
4.Really? REALLY? Careful now, this weekend its dinner, next month you'll be planning the seating chart of your wedding.
5.Enigma, much? What are you really getting at? Because we both know you are never without a motive.
6.You are like, -the- easiest person to get along with. It's like, 1. meet you 2. love you like mad and trust you to all ends. Do you know how rare that is? Wanna teach me your tricks?
7.How can you possibly be so mean? How is any of this your place? It really blows me away... and why would you EVER expect me to still want to talk to you after that???
8.Sorry I online dumped you... Not classy, I know. I hope this won't make me suck... But it is nice to lose that little twinge of guilt whenever I walk by my cello. Or is that twinge actually something I should keep going? God, I AM going to suck.
9.Oh, I SO knew it!!! See, they're objective, and they still think you are whacko! Cause you are! Step off!
10.You are charming. You know, I hate time. You and I need far more of it.
11.A lot of the things that have made me 'me' over the last two years are now subtly tainted by you. Will I still be able to be proud of those things? Can I keep my memories without being ashamed of them? Thanks a goddamn load, you psycho.
12.I like you, definitely. Beware, however, that I have no qualms in putting the bee eff eff whammy on you should you screw up. Ask the last one... No mercy!
13.That girl should duck during the Spanish movement.
14.If not entirely trustworthy, you are A. Fun to hang out with and B. fun to be seen in the company of. Man you're cute.
15.Finally! You've got the moves, now use them! I hope she's cool enough.