Can't Sleep -

Clowns'll eat me.

Bloggity Bloggity Blog Blog Blog

Queries:
Why am I up so late on finals night?
Since when do I consider 11:43 pm to be late?
Am I now a granny?
More importantly,
Why the hell can't I stop blogging?

Finals Fifteen

1. If you aren't well liked, I must not be either, because we are hella similar. I like you! We can hang out anyway, right? [This one is double counted.]
2. You and I are in this one together, which makes it so much less horrible. We just have to figure out what the hell we need to do.
3. Your family is far more adorable than you give them credit for. You seem to function pretty darn well with them, better than I do with my dad, anyway.
4. Go to hell, I still say plants can't fucking breathe, you mind-decimating Nazi ho bags.
5. Why did you make me such a lovely, lovely cupcake? Even your ENVELOPE was amazing. Gah, worst friend in the world award goes to yours truly!
6. I know you're excited, but keep your skirts on, it will be awhile.
7. We would probably get sick of bailing each other out if it didn't save -both- of us from sheer annihilation pretty evenly. Thanks for being my bee eff eff, biology is only the tip of the iceberg of things I could never do without you!
8. Okay, this is getting silly. TWO months without seeing you? I need to give you your fudge! Also, as a side note, Alli and I are going to do all of the nice things in the world for you. That is that.
9. Where'd you go? We miss you so. Fucker. (also, since when do I quote Ft. Minor?)
10. It still isn't you, but if it was you it would make things way easier.
11. Really, that is just not nice. What's done is done. Especially in this case.
12. Be home! I want to play!
13. September can never ever ever ever come.
14. I'm going to try my hardest with you, but I always come back to thinking
15. It would have been me.




and i might have loved it.


but really, I don't know what I mean by that.

Testing 123

Maybe I can Blog from my phone?

We Can't Let This Happen, Okay Guys?

Left And Leaving
The Weakerthans

My city's still breathing (but barely it's true)
through buildings gone missing like teeth.
The sidewalks are watching me think about you,
sparkled with broken glass.
I'm back with scars to show.
Back with the streets I know
Will never take me anywhere but here.
The stain in the carpet, this drink in my hand,
the strangers whose faces I know.
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say " I wanted it this way"
Wait for the year to drown.
Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest,
the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
new words for old desires,
and every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.

A Rant... but I think i might like the ending.

So I did something that no one in the entire universe ever ever EVER expected me to do, with the list of skeptics beginning with me, fo sho. But I did it anyway...
I just sort of stopped hating Julia... weird.
I was just sitting there behind her, and she had this text from Sam on her phone that she was as usual showing off to Jen, and I was as usual sitting there literally seething. I hated the concept of her with my CMF, to steal a term from emma, (Close male friend lol) so much that my hands would actually shake and I would feel faint and sick from all the blood rushing to my face. So I was sitting back there, all of that happening to me, and I realized, 'hey, this literally FEELS shitty. this is absolutely no fun at all. Actually, this sucks.' And I noticed, hey, if i can notice this, why couldn't i just... take the easier path? Wouldn't it feel a lot nicer just to look at Julia (which I have to do a lot and will have to do even more next semester) and not have my blood boil? Of course this is 99% to do with Sam... last night I ended up feeling really bad for him, for being so stuck with a girl friend and a friend who were seemingly mortal enemies for good. I left him with that exact idea, I thought the same thing. I even told him I wouldn't even be CIVIL to her for his sake. But tonight at rehearsal, it just suddenly seemed so stupid. I have to see her ALL the time, and she is dating my friend, who actually does deserve to be happy, however that is accomplished, and on top of all that it had been quite some time since she actually did anything to me directly, or to anyone I like. So... I asked her if she thought 14 December was too early to make New Years Resolutions. She didn't think so, so i told her i was thinking about resolving to STOP being a high school girl. Ironically, this morning I told William that I had this weird feeling that this whole scandal would be my last hurrah, gossip wise, and I think I might have been more correct than I anticipated. I told Julia that really, when it came down to it being mean or angry all the time doesn't get anyone anywhere, so I thought I would just stop. Especially with her dating Sam and all. She probably didn't appreciate being thrown directly into the conversation like that, but she did engage, and she asked me if i had a big problem with that. I told her I really, really really did until about ten minutes previous. But that it got old. And did she want to get coffee some time on break.
Really, the best thing about this was the reaction it got from Sam. I mean, anyone who is acquainted with either of us would be completely baffled to walk into a room and see her and I chatting away about CAS hours and Mr Harris. Sam literally stood back and pointed at us and yelled 'what in the HELL is going on? Who ARE you people?!' and it was kind of awesome. When do you ever freak people out by being nice? And honestly, it was so much easier to be in their shared proximity tonight. No threat of vomit. Nice.
So, yeah, its unexpected and yes very weird. No, I am not sure that it will/can stick, or that i won't change my mind. No, this isn't universal, I haven't began having ideas of having a girls night with Cat and Kathrin and Andrea and whoever, I am still mostly sane. No, I'm not expecting anyone else to share my conversion (although peace is generally preferable to outright warfare in the situations in which it can be readily achieved.) But I guess for now I will give it a go... and so will she, I suppose.