Subterranean Sick of Home Blues

Listening to Radiohead - Subterranean Homesick Alien, in particular. This song's title, as a matter of fact, is strikingly similar to Bob Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues, a great song. Both are great. But do you actually know what a subterranean is? Ever heard of a beatnik? Well, beats are what they liked to be called and subterraneans are what they called themselves. To summarize the whole idea, beats (subterraneans) were these people in the '50's who, unlike the Leave it to Beaver, consumerist monkeys in mainstream America, questioned things, wrote, travelled as nomads... got in to the grit and had a real life, ya know? You may have heard of Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg... These were the guys that started all this buisness, I recommend HIGHLY On the Road by Kerouac or "Howl" by Ginsberg, if you are interested. Amazing, they be.

So what got me started thinking about all this is one simple state of being -
Boredom.
I mean all of us get bored. Nothing on TV, tired of the internet, none of your friends home to talk to... but I'm not talking 'go read a book' bored. I'm talking, I've been out of my mind bored for a good few weeks now, bored. I'm just tired of doing everything. Anything that formerly made me happy has been... boring me, for lack of a better word. Even my friends that I love with my whole head and select toes aren't making me snap out of it... Just the monotony of my life, it's crushing. Wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, be online, go to bed... over and over and over and over and over again, until I just want to scream... but no one would notice because they are all stuck in their monotony just like I am, some don't even notice... The last exciting thing I remember doing is breaking in to that scary barn behind the cafeteria with Didi and Jacob and Rafael - about 5 months ago. That was the last time I had any kind of... zest, at the risk of sounding dumb. I am a 15 year old girl with very observant parents and no form of income or transportation that I don't rely entirely on someone else for. Even if I WANTED to do something... I don't know, spontaneous... I couldn't. And say, say I could fend for myself and do something like that... who would come with me? No one. They are all just as hopeless and dependent as I hate myself for being. At homecoming, Kaela Zihlman wanted people to come with her to do something spontaneous... and I wanted to so so bad... but nonono, mommy will be here in twenty minutes to come take you to your nice safe reliable home... Dammit I'm just so frustrated. All of this, lack of substance in my life is leaving me entirely unfufilled and feeling ignored and I can't really do a thing to change it. Like I said before, I love my friends like family. But I don't have anyone that, if I couldn't be found, that it would make any difference for them to just go find another friend for the same purpose. Everyone I know seems to have someone that really trusts them, that they can help, or can be helped by... a boyfriend, a really close best friend... hell just someone to talk to. I'm probably wrong anyway. I doubt anyone, probably not even I, could think of someone else selflessly, help them without thought of whats in it for them...and the fact that we talk and talk and wake up and go to school and waste away online (like - hey- I'm doing right now) without getting anything really accomplished just adds to this deafening dullness...
this boredom.
but what do I know, anyway?