Talking is sometimes a good thing. Really.

So I've had THE very MOST bizarre, eventful, and confrontational night in just about ever.
I seriously thought things would never actually come around for me to face head on, let alone in the very very fast way they did.
But it really really ended up being for the better.
Although I am still quite concerned how things will end up on one side, knowing that two of the three are resting peacefully for the first time is really quite lovely. How did I ever know that a good way to put your problems behind you is to ACTUALLY ADDRESS THEM? I lose there, but at least you, my friend, did the addressing for me. And now that they're actually addressed, those problems really don't seem so problematic anymore.
Thank you loads again, even though I said it a million times already!
And I'm off to crash. I don't often stay up until 4am... unless there are special circumstances. Which, eh, I can confidently say tonight counts as one of those.

So, As Far As The Last Six Months Go...

I give up.
I'm officially done.
He won't talk to me, won't answer my messages, god forbid ever even acknowledge my freaking presence when I actually CAN get his attention.
The last time I saw him it felt like he was trying to get away as fast as possible. Ironically enough, if it weren't for her he probably wouldn't have even turned around when I wanted to say goodbye to him.
Hell yeah, I miss him. But its starting to be hard to remember why.
I don't know... maybe he's always been like this and I didn't want to see it. I always blamed it on her, but if it WASNT for her, he would've taken off without so much as a 'see ya next fall' after graduation. I have already totally accepted there's nothing i could ever do about her. I even started liking her again. After all, I liked her an awful lot before all of this, and I shouldn't hold it against her that she went after what she wanted and got it. I had my shot.
So I'm cool with the fact that I'm not ever going to be with him. But then if we're friends, you still don't ignore friends' messages and calls and tell them you probably won't see them all summer and you DEFINETLY don't FORGET THEM AT SCHOOL WHEN YOU HAVE INVITED THEM SOMEWHERE!!!!
I wish I could outright ask him if he's been intentionally ignoring me and trying to stay away from me. I mean, we used to talk almost every night. I would like to know if I'm right about this. But what if I'm really wrong, and then he thinks that I feel like that. Or if I'm right. That's almost worse to know for sure. What if he says, "yeah, I've actually been meaning to tell you to back the hell off and stop irritating me." Talk about major devestation.
Why does this all have to be so damn complicated?
No clue.
So basically, for my efforts of the last six months, everything I've gone through over all of it.......
I quit.
Here's my notice.
I'm so done.

Summer, as Haley says, has a way of messing things up. It can make your brain turn off, leave you to your instincts... Summer knows a brain is the best way to confuse your heart. Under the stars with him, I rushed back to the way things were when they first began. That first connection was gone as quickly as it came, only to resurface at the unlikeliest of times. Everything I felt at first I felt now. The desire to be close to him was quelled by the fear that nothing would make sense after the stars were gone. So instead I decided to be a ghost in the moment instead of living in it. It was a photo album that I was already reminiscing over. The Past in the Present. I watched him in his reflection in the dark glass knowing I would remember that same reflection a hundred times more. I listened to his voice, knowing the words and stories that it formed would be the first thing to fade. Anything tangible would. But the voice, the reflection, the stars, the wind, my simultaneous love and disappointment will stay as that night.

In Honor of My 50th post......

Beautiful New Layout, and much better title, I think.

LIFE IS SHATTERED

Dani California Chords by Red Hot Chili Peppers,
www.Ultimate-Guitar.Com
Am G
Getting born in the state of Mississippi,
Dm Am
Her Poppa was a copper and her Momma was a hippy,

MARY JANE'S LAST DANCE (INDIANA GIRL)
Tom Petty
Am G
She grew up in an Indiana town
D Am
Had a good lookin' Mama who was never around

THE CHORDS ARE THE SAME even the lyrics are similar!!!AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
My life is shattered.
But look, Tom Petty uses a stupid D major chord, Chili Peppers use D minor... there's still hope.

Go here and frolic

Frolic amongst the likes of

Travis!
Nathan!
Lisa!
Jenny!
Nicole!
Scott!

All at Sub-Par productions!
http://subpar.atspace.com

I don't lose!

As was mentioned about a month or so ago, I auditioned for the Colorado Youth Symphony Orchestra. Twas v v hard and I pretty much thought I was just auditioning for the heck of it.

But lo, a letter cometh today...

I MADE THE TOP GROUP!!!

SOO excited. This group plays concerts with the CSO, travels (last year it was China!) and gives you a 1/2 off scholarship to DU.

BEST THING TO HAPPEN EVER?

quite possibly.