For Christmas-

I always, always:
- Have two homemade waffles with peanut butter and homemade syrup and two pieces of fried ham for breakfast

- Get a new pair of pajamas from my grandma

- watch A Christmas Story on a loop on TBS

- on that note, every year my hatred for Randy, Ralphie's younger brother grows

- and I'm always impressed that the soundtrack of the movie is actually Peter and the Wolf

- I usually fall asleep at my great grandma's around 2PM and wake up when the turkey is done.

On that note, it seems to be my naptime!

Why This Never Got an Emmy is Beyond me

Mixed Emotions!

Sad and Adorable! :'-(  =  :-D

Christmas Eve Eve

Usually just means a lot of cleaning on my part. Amanda seems to be getting pretty into that little 'tradition,' but all I can seem to be motivated to do is play Fallout 3.

Call me crazy.

Dear Hannelore,

You are incredibly contrived. Please leave QC so I can start liking it again. You are a harbinger of suck.

Regards,
Kayla

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1299

See also:
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1276
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1244
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1210

Bullet: Dodged.

Me, about a month ago: "I don't want to read/watch Twilight because I'm afraid I'll like it as I am a fan of ze vampires!"
Me, now: "OMG SO DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S EVEN REAL!"

http://stoney321.livejournal.com/317176.html

If you can get through to book 4's summary without fainting from awfulness overdose, you win.

Not Kidding, My Computer Has a Bedtime

It is approximately midnight. At that time, every night, without fail, it slows down about a million percent and really hates opening new windows but likes closing them.

...whiner. I miss my laptop! Wifi, wherefore art thou?!

beginning.

Big, Small and Tall... What I Want to Do in 2009

- Maybe start another blog, one meant for the public eye, an editorial on current international events. I think this would be a great way for me to take my major and make it into my passion!

- Spend more time in the city

- Go to at least one campus event a week

- Keep a diary again

- Learn to like black coffee

- Rediscover cello

- Eat one meal a day vegetarian

- Find some new bands, and a new direction in music

- Get away from jeans

In progress.

end.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Went to college!

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No, I always resolve to drink more water and lose weight, those never happen. And I resolved to stop being catty, that didn't really work out either!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Negative.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Niet

5. What countries did you visit?
USA... :-(

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A job lol

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
5/24/2008 - Graduation!
9/1/2008 - First day of college

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting into school

9. What was your biggest failure?
I guess not getting into Claremont McKenna, but now I'm glad I didn't.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
YES! I started out the year, literally, 1 am on Jan 1st, with a 104 degree fever and was bedridden for the first week of 2008.

11. What was the best thing someone bought you?
I'm listening to my magical Bose iPod dock, so that's what comes to mind.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
This might sound stupid, but I made some really good decisions this year, so I would say my own!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Oh, you know, live and let live... [yeah right, I know]

14. Where did most of your money go?
OMG SKOOL. DU is tragically un-cheap.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Lol broken record, but the big one was starting at DU, also graduating, and my first date with Chris!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Viva la Vida - Coldplay, High and Dry - Radiohead

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier. a lot.
b) fatter or skinner? the same, exactly.
c) richer or poorer? poorer, even though I technically have a couple thousand in my bank account, but since its a loan I feel it makes me much, much poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Volunteering, especially against genocide.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
:-/ Maybe spending money lol

20. How do you plan to spend Christmas?
The same as always. Christmas Eve party with my grandma's side here with cold cut sandwiches, Christmas morning with my parents and Amanda, breakfast (waffles) at my Great Grandma's, Christmas night back at my house for my Grandma and Grandpa's part.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I did <3

22. How many one night stands?
How rude! Anyway, I'm not the type.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Gossip freaking Girl.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
George W Bush! Oh, wait...

25. What was the best book you read?
Madeleine Albright's memoir

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I rediscovered Radiohead, and for real discovered Shiny Toy Guns and The Faint YAY!

27. What did you want and get?
A pleasant and friction free summer

28. What did you want and not get?
A job at Charlotte Russe for break.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Darjeeling Limited, as far as ones I saw for the first time in 2008

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a pretty awesome party here with all my friends and my chocolate fountain. And fire. lol

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having Kelsey in-state. And a roommate I was friends with.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
In progress.

33. What kept you sane?
As always, my music. Radiohead and Explosions in the Sky get the honorable mentions.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Nate Archibald and Chuck Bass

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election, FTW

36. Who do you miss?
Kelsey.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Chris!

38. What was the best thing you ate?
Chris introduced me to Benihana's, that was tasty scrumptious.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
If something big fails to happen, it is likely for a reason, the universe will take care of you.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
It's like a book, elegantly bound, but in a language that you can't read, just yet.

Amanda put my glasses in a jar of sour cream...

Because I first put hers in her baked potato.

If Being a Huge Christmas Fan is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right!!

Evils of consumerism or no, I just things are a lot nicer, prettier and happier this time of year.

And I get to use the Evil Consumerism to buy my friends super duper presents!

Redesign, quoi??

Like?

Oops! 2 am again?

I've been meaning to go to bed earlier.
But I can think of far worse reasons for going to bed two hours late than talking to him all that time :-)

From a Facebook Note of Note

1. I can't imagine a food more disgusting than quiche. Except maybe bell peppers.

2. Though I usually really hate commercials, I like practically all of the Christmas themed ones. Even if they just play a Christmas carol in the background.

3. I'm bad at living in the moment. I'm pretty past-oriented. Pros - Lots of memories, I stay in touch with people for a long time. Cons - I can get wrapped up in trying to make something into a memory as it is happening, which means I don't enjoy it as much as I could, also I tend to hold grudges too long.

4. The very lowest score I have ever gotten on anything was a 32% on a test on trigonometry in my Math Studies class Junior year. (Looking past the 0%s I got on the homework I didn't do) On a separate note, this is the very first time, ever, I have had higher than a 3.5 GPA. It's a 4.0 now!

5. I have played cello for twelve years. I am embarrassed when I tell people this, because it makes people think I am good, which I'm not.

6. I probably judge people a little too much based on their music interests.

7. I did not dislike middle or high school in any significant way, and I think that makes me an outlier. No one really dislikes elementary school, at least in hindsight.

8. I am truly terrified of moray eels.

9. Even though it has gotten me in trouble a couple times in the past, that doesn't stop me from continuing to post things I shouldn't to the internet.

10. I do not like any drugs. I like drinks. But I never want more than four of anything.

11. If I accidentally leave my iPod on in my purse for a few hours, I will reset the play counts on the songs that mistakenly got played. Likewise, I get mad if people skip a song on my iPod at the very end, so that it does not get a play count.

12. You know how in the fourth Harry Potter book, Hermione tells Harry he has a 'saving people thing'? Yeah, I have that. It doesn't work out like I wish it would about half the time, when it just comes off as being nosy. They're probably right, in those cases.

13. I really really hate losing friends. I know that sounds like #3, but it's a pretty big part of me. I will go to pretty extreme lengths to try to hold a friendship together or stay in touch with people if they move away, and I'm really upset if I fail at that.

14. I am going to try really hard to be an SEP counselor this summer, because its still the most important place in my life.

15. I have made a very conscious effort this quarter to delete the part of my personality that made me gossipy and quick to dislike in high school. I believe it has made me a happier person.

16. I tend to over-indulge. As you may have noticed. (I bet most people answer this note with things like 'I went to Moore Middle School" or "my favorite color is purple." I should be less annoying in these. Sorry.)

Home is cozy, relaxed and non-demanding...

But it doesn't have you. I like it best when you are never more than a hundred feet from me. Call me clingly, but it's true.

And it doesn't have the rest of you, for that matter! If I already miss everyone, how will I go for 5 more weeks??

I'm Home Now...

And me kiddos are as hilarious as ever.
http://schnoodlecentral.blogspot.com

I'm grouchy.

I'm doing that thing, where when people say things, I am infuriated.

Oh Lord, forbid anyone touch me.

I'm ready to go home.

It's Finals and I have 38 pages of essays to write.

So of course I'm writing a 15.

1. Why did you start that again?

2. We noticed that I do consider you one, do you consider me one too?

3. You're icky.

4. I don't really want you to go away for so long. 

5. Have you ever tried not being negative?

6. How wise and Russian you are.

7. I'm going to make it work, please make that easy on me.

8. Ten suerte, bonne chance, viel gluck, удачи!!

9. I actually think you need it more than she does. 

10. Don't do that to her. I've been there a good half-dozen times, and its an awful place to be. 

101 in 1001 Update:

24 completed!

thesummerintodust.blogspot.com

TRL Had Its Last Episode Ever Tonight.

Meaning, there is officially no music, at all, on MTV, the Music Television channel.

Think they'll change the name? Suggestions?

At Least I'm Not the Only One This Time!

1. I'm really glad we are always us, even though everything is different now. And in regards to what is going on now, whatever outcome this ends with, you will still be you, and therefore you will remain outstanding. <3.

2. Open your mind and close your drawers!

3. You know me, I am a big fan of questioning things and defending what you believe, especially if it is different. But don't bite your tongue in person anymore. This way is a lot worse.

4. Will -we- still be us when you get back?

5. I didn't know this could ever feel this good. I've never come close to this before. You're amazing and you've changed everything.

6. You are getting on my last good nerve, buddy. Get it together or get the hell out. 

7. I want better things for you. I am glad, however, that I did not end up being that better thing.

8. God, I really really miss you. It is so unfair that you still exist for those that don't care, but that I just have to stay in this place. I hate this place. I hate you.

9. I kind of wanted you to see me on Friday, mostly because I knew it would upset you. Is that called sadism?

10. Have I stopped hating you? *checks* Nope, not yet.

Good Job, America. I'm Proud of You.

But first...

( The Beastie Boys were in my dining hall!)

Good work, everyone.

Cello is no longer a happy place.

It now makes me angry and frustrated.
Is this permanent?
I've played for twelve years just to stop liking it?

... :-/

Okay, reality check.

Dear Kayla,
It is not okay to skive off doing your homework for two nights in a row in favor of surfing facebook, watching fallout 3, playing Zelda and spending time with your boyfriend even though he is amazing. You are here to learn, you are smart and you worked hard to get here. Don't flake out now, you have too much to accomplish.

Love,
Kayla

Palin for Obama

Nice Scarf, Sarah!

Dear Every Band I Have Ever Liked, Ever:

WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU TOURING?????

With disdain,

Kayla

I am such a freak sometimes.

Me: "I was thinking about ankylosauruses earlier, and I thought, they're so damn wise."

Teaching Literary Terms to (ex)Cheerleaders:

"I wish I had a doppelganger! I wonder if she would be the evil or nice one?"
-Amanda F

I'm not really up for Iraq contemplation right now

I was trying, but all I could come up with is how much I hate Bush.

Soo...

Things One Should Grow Out of by College:

- Snack mix (for some reason I feel pretty strongly about this.)

- 'That's what she said"

- Saying 'that's random'

- Attacking police while incredibly drunk (okay, you should never do this in the first place, but tell that to that random 'shed' guy last night.)

- The Jonas Brothers

Things One Should Not Grow Out of:

- Easy Mac

- Stuffed rabbits

- MarioKart

- Cartoons

- Blogging during class. Or, at least, I hope not.

To Satiate Zachary Cox:

25 Lessons Learned in the First Five Weeks:

- Steel water bottles are more effective for stealing milk from the cafeteria. Aquafinas are downright sketch... Sobes approved on a case-by-case basis. 

- Saturday Night Live is a perfectly acceptable (sole) source of news. The Bahamas could launch a full scale invasion of Asia, but if it doesn't make Weekend Update I will not have a clue.

- If it is past 1AM on the honors floor, not only will the lounge be standing room only, but for some unknown reason the collective vocabulary of the floor has risen to a PhD level. 

- The harder the cause of a group is to sell, the better the free food at the first meeting. I.E. - Alpine Club - Jolly Ranchers (:-/) Amnesty International - Cookies and funsize Snickers (Getting better...) DU Wiccan Baby Sacrificers could be expected to have a steak dinner. (also featuring steak dinners, for some reason, are the frats and sororities... I'll let you glean your own conclusions there)

- My scooter is now an extension of my leg.

- Yoga club might be worthwhile if only to be able to manage to shave my legs in a 9 square foot shower. 

- Examining the socio-psychological value of Super Smash Brothers is a worthy exercise. 

- My betta fish Icky is more resilient than I previously believed. I remember to feed him about 60% of the time. Ok, I'll stop that.

- Anyone who tries to keep a cellist out of an elevator is the equivalent of one of those rich guys on the Titanic that pitched ladies out of the lifeboats, and will be treated as such.

- The Spicy Pickle closes at 4pm, Qdoba closes at 10, Safeway at 12am, the Cstore around 11/12, Jerusalem's never!

- Naps can be taken in any location featuring a chair. 

- Props to the 40 something Greek lady in my classes, but seriously, can't she not wear Harley Davidson baseball hats EVERY DAY?

- Anything is delicious at 2am. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. 

- If someone goes to bed before 1:30, everyone assumes they are sick or crazy. 

- Talking during the Office is a cardinal sin.

- There will come a day when 2 North + Ari will score a point in broomball, but most likely (whenever anyone reads this ever) today is not that day. 

- Collars with little bells would be very prudent for certain people on certain weekends. 

- The popluar opinion on campus seems to be that the honors floor must be some kind of cult.

- Nothing clears the usually insanely busy campus green like the 'McCain/Palin Victory Bus'

- Tensions between Mac and PC users at times have the potential to erupt in to a civil war.

- No winky face on the whiteboard, scrunchie on the door handle, deadbolt or rabid doberman pincer will keep you safe from embarrassment. 

- People will go to political meetings just for posters to revenge their partisan enemies with a good plastering.

- If you schedule anything for before 2pm on a Saturday, you better believe there is no chance of you actually completing said activity. 

- No essay, reading or exam is of any importance once someone on the floor starts taking OkCupid or Political Compass tests. 

- Vietnam / Iraq does not seem to be a class where paying attention is particularly important. This blog is written in said lecture.

I'm 'Like Russian Novels and Classical Music'

Everything (he) is kind of perfect.

Collegiate 15!

1. You are such a great person, and I am never going to let people say otherwise, to tooth and nail. 

2. You aren't on your own anymore, there are more people here that care than you know. 

3. You are such a theater kid. It's okay tho. 

4. You are kind of the meanest person I've ever met. Like, for serious.

5. You're mysterious. Like a Whitney. Actually, a lot like Whitney. 

6. You are nowhere to be found. Sweet!

7. Like me, dammit! And stop liking the Jonas Brothers!

8. Whenever I feel like I'm losing myself here, all I have to do is spend 10 minutes with you and I know why I like myself and why I love you. More expressionist films, please?

9. You're kind of perfect. (!)

10. You = puppy. It's so cute!

11. Get yo shit togetha! Meaning, one is CLEARLY more fantastic than the other so please act accordingly!

12. I need to hang out with you more. You are pretty darn chill.

13. Thank GOD there is someone on this campus who knows what live music is and knows 'pitchfork' does not mean a pronged hay tossing utensil. I just wish you weren't the only one!

14. I'd be more okay with you being boring if you were nicer.

15. I wish I had that!

A dialogue:

The Hookah Bar: Hey, remember when your relationship was irreparably damaged by me?
Me: yeah.
The Hookah Bar: I know a new trick: now I do it pre-emptively!
Me: Thanks a lot, asshole.

...The College Post

Here I am, eh?
After all the thinking and applying and agonizing and packing and angst, I'm here.
And I pretty much adore it.
I think I took too much stock in stories I had heard in the past about college... the people are boring and disengaged and stupid, the rooms are unlivable, the food is inedible... but I don't believe a word of it.
This is the first time in three if not four years that I have actually felt friendly. As high school ended, I had four absolutely amazing wouldn't-trade-for-the-world best friends. But now, it's different. I have literally not met one new person here who I do not like. Think about that, think about who is saying that! We all know I am a huge bitch! Or at least I tend to despise the masses. But here, the masses are not half bad. I've got about ten friends who I could spend infinite time with, and would if we didn't force ourselves to go to bed at the end of the night. We've talked politics, philosophy, TV, sex/drugs/alcohol and played with photo booth for an hour at a time. We mock the misery that was PlayFair, we laud our seminar class (mine's Buffy!) and generally, it's pretty amazing. Not only do I feel great surrounded by all this, but I actually think I am getting -healthier-, rather than fatter as most freshmen get.

So scheduling was sort of like the nuclear winter. When you are literally the last group of 20 to register for classes, out of a class of 1100 into classes that hold about 20 people, the only things left for us are the cockroaches, so to speak. Thanks to some tricky fanangling and two amazing professors, I might have it down, but we'll see when we get to class next week...
...which I am dreading because I have no books, no computer, and not a cent with which to buy them. The Fucktarded people at Chase Loans are not to be trusted! If I'm going to be $19,000 in debt for this year alone, I had better be able to actually USE that money, doncha think???

Well, whining accomplished. I have been holed up in the computer lab long enough, (although to be fair, it is my first time on one in a week) its about time that I see if any of these fine people want to hit the Merc tonight. Toodles, and wish me luck for scary classeses!

I do not have a computer or a toothbrush

Awesome.

I Have About 16 Hours Left In My House...

Oh my God.

Why Clinton is my favorite president:

"People in this world have always been more inspired by the power of our example than by the example of our power."
- Bill Clinton, DNC speech 28 August 2008

Well, hopefully my second favorite president as of the day after this election!

Democrats in the HIZOUSE!

Today I marked off a huge dream of mine since I was about 14 - I volunteered at and got into the Democratic National Convention, which is oh-so-luckily right here in Denver! After getting up at the ungodly hour of 6am and bussing into Market Station, I met up with the Rock The Vote bus group,

they tossed me a t-shirt and a stack of postcards, and sent me off into the great unknown. Which was actually that door at the convention center with the big blue bear.



I canvassed here for a few hours, only to be interrupted by these clowns headed for me at the crosswalk:


Don't they seem a little lost? I did, but when my partner started giving them directions to Minneapolis-St Paul, they seemed miffed. They proceeded to chant "Drill Here, Drill Now" on the corner, which caused the usually packed sidewalk to do this:


with an outer ring of glaring Obamaites. Good thing -we- actually value free speech, eh? I wonder what would happen to Obama demonstrators in St Paul. Another gross group was the anti-abortion league, a bunch of 'priests' with megaphones and pictures of dead aborted fetuses. No pictures of them, for obvious disgusting reasons.

Finally, I got invited to the Youth Voters press conference which was actually IN the convention center, a place I never thought I would get into. I thought you needed all sorts of fancy passes to get in, but it turns out most events are open to the public. Yay!



Last but not least, the SWAG of the day, from the lovely ladies at Planned Parenthood. <3!

Political prophylactics!


It was lovely and exciting and historical and I can't wait to go back Wednesday!

On My Dental Predicament -

I seem to be down four full grown wisdom teeth, as it were.
However, the experience of the Valium I made them give me plus the nitrous oxide plus the fact that they let me watch The Incredibles during the procedure made the whole thing seem awfully hilarious.
Plus, what could be bad about eating nothing but jello, pudding and gravy for a few days! (Okay, not technically gravy, but that is the more common use for cream of mushroom!)
I can't imagine why anyone would want to take vicodin if they didn't have to. Far from getting one high, all they seem to do is make me sleepy and nauseous. Ridiculous!

Cutest. Thing. Ever.

200th post - time for self-examination!

According to this (http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/tests/SameAnswers_t.aspx?id=310) VIA Signature Strengths test, out of 24 areas, my four strongest strengthy strengths are:

1. Love of Learning
2. Capacity to Love and be Loved
3. Kindness and Generosity
4. Humor and Playfulness

and my weakest, weakly weaknesses are (least to most sucky)

4. Self-control and Self-regulation (they asked a lot of questions about dieting! EW!)
3. Spirituality and Faith
2. Forgiveness and Mercy
1. Modesty and Humility

Fair? I think so. Curious what you guys think, open fire so to speak! and if you feel like taking the test yourself, go for it! If the link doesn't work, just google the test name!

....Heeey.

Commissioner Gordon is totally Sirius Black, guys.

Yes, I just noticed that.

101 in 1001 Update:

17/101 Finished!

(thesummerintodust.blogspot.com)

Dear Julia,

Your now ex-boyfriend tried to kiss me Sunday night.

Love and kisses ;-),
Kayla

Its much better

to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

My sister is wise.

Amanda:
"Fuck regrets. Especially regrets over fucking."

To Shake Things Up..

Things I Hate Thursday!

- Quiche.
- Groundings (of Amanda, she is driving me crazy)
- Ambiguity
- The existence of time/space
- Sour things
- Extended Essay graders
- Frustration
- Laziness
- Julia (/ Cat) (ok, ok couldn't help Facebook surfing tonight.)
- Facebook surfing
- Homework
- Change
- People changing
- Trips down memory lane. Certain ones.
- Pointlessness
- Boredom
- Everyone. With the exceptions of everyone I love.

Th-Th-That's All, Folks!

Subject		Grade
2008 MAY	ENGLISH A1 HL	5
2008 MAY	SPANISH B SL	6
2008 MAY	HIST.EUROPE HL in ENGLISH	6
2008 MAY	HISTORY EE in ENGLISH	D
2007 MAY	PSYCHOLOGY SL in ENGLISH	5
2008 MAY	BIOLOGY HL in ENGLISH	5
2008 MAY	MATH.STUDIES SL in ENGLISH	6
2008 MAY	THEORY KNOWL. TK in ENGLISH	B
Additional/Extra subjects
None
EE/TOK points:	1
Total points:	34
Results:	Diploma awarded

Some words -
Extended Essay WTF?

Even more, a 6 in MATH???

But, overall, alright!

My phone has been turned off. ALL. WEEK.

So Look what I made!



There is something seriously wrong with me.

The song "Lucky" by Radiohead

Has given me an inexplicable appreciation and renewed for the cello.

There is absolutely no cello in this song.

So... any ideas, Alli?

I just discovered a lake behind my house

Okay, well technically I knew about the lake already. But you can walk to it and there is a dock right here I never knew about. The moon is so so bright tonight, its like there is a spotlight behind me. Its also surprising how fast these waves come in. Call me a city girl, but it never even occured to me that lakes had waves. Anyway. This dock is a little cement ramp, about as big as two of these picnic blankets I'm sitting on now. Its not even cold. Windy and bright more than anything else. Walking up to it, it just looks like a big missing thing where the lake is. Like a big black hole. Its nifty. Really, more than anything else I'm wishing I was here with someone. Well technically I am, but not anyone really. My sister, yeah, but shes pretty busy with Lauren, lauren's interest, and an ex-hook up of mine to emphasize the isolate. Right now I'm thinking of the people I wouldve liked to have brought here. People I knew or people I don't know anymore, at least enough to show them this. Really what this is all highlighting is that I'm leaving home soon. If someone comes along, next year, I won't be at home. I won't have anything, just of my own, to show them. Either that is really sad, or its kinda, hopeful. They won't have anything, either, which makes we will all have to make new things to be ours, find new "lakes" and places. I hope at least that I can find a way to stay this sappily romantic, anyway.

On a happier note...

I just signed up for an actual class on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it turns out I like my job, in the end.

It Has Been PRECISELY 365 Days

Since I last talked to you.

I'm actually kind of jealous that its her that you are trying to talk to, who you won't leave alone. She doesn't have much to say to you.
Me? That's a different story. I have a fucking year's worth of things to say to you.

I'm itching to.

I suppose you haven't changed much. Still manipulating innocent people, turning us against each other. It's hard to see right through all of this, that you are actually actively trying to isolate us again. We should be angry with the right people.

It's really, really sad, however, that you have turned the tricks of psychology on yourself and you seem to actually have convinced yourself that you are telling the truth. That you never did what you did. Not only to Emma, but to Allison, hell, all of us. You don't even remember what a monster you are. And I wouldn't want to remember, either. Think you can teach me that trick so I can forever erase you, too?

Do us a favor. Leave us the fuck alone. Not just us, but everyone. No one needs scum like you in their lives. It wasn't worth it to be friends with you, to trust you above many others, for it to end like this and for me to get sick every time I hear your name. No one deserves that feeling, so no one deserves you cursing their lives.

I fucking hate you more than ever.

Tell it, Jack!

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" - on the road

Shut Up, Birds.

Why am I still awake?

Do You Think Thom Yorke Will Marry Me?

"High & Dry"
Radiohead
(1997)

Things I Love Thursday! 6/5/08

- Karaoke and Margaritas!
- My cell phone. We have been more inseparable than usual lately.
- My new Charlotte Russe 'uniforms.' (Though I hope the job gets more fun!)
- Halo on Normal level. Lots of screaming on my part.
- Oscar is so damn cuddly when it is rainy.

Well, The Dashboard Melted

But we still had the radio!!

A query:

Is it worth it to pay $30 and also have to see Good Charlotte in order to go to the Metro Station concert?

I've just written you a letter.

It is 6 pages long and it says everything.

You always think everything on here is about you.
Guess what?
This time you'd be 100% correct.

Narrow Stairs:

Death Cab's new album, and the official soundtrack to this summer!

A Poem for Today, Day of All Days

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
-EE CUMMINGS

This can't be right...

Wait, you're telling me I'm done?
I'm finished.
No more studying.
Even if I felt like being proactive and studious, nothing left to study?
No more homework?
No more IAs?
Extended Essays?
I don't have to have panic attacks this summer about said essays?
No more HL biology?
I can read what I want?
I can play freaking GUITAR HERO?
I seriously have time to play Guitar Hero???
In seven days, no more Cat??
I am actually, honest to God, truly and really
FINISHED WITH IB?????


Jeez, I'm going to miss it. Masochist?

A 15, because I have been regressing today.

1. You are the only one who I could watch Blue's Clues with that would answer all the questions wrong with me. Love!
2. You know what, you are actually pretty hot. and charming! Why does it seem like you are so out of my league?
3. God, I Fucking HATE you so much! I seriously don't get why it is me that you are bitching about! I don't even -do- anything to you! I'm much meaner to your 'bestie.' Why don't I have the balls to bitch you out?
4. It was kind of a relief. Ever since it got brought up, I was afraid I would suddenly be jealous, but no such bad luck, it turns out I actually -am- qualified to identify the inner workings of my mind!
5. Man, you are an asshole. That adorable Iron Giant had to get dead acause a you!
6. I don't trust you anymore, because the first emotion I feel anytime I think of a friend should not be betrayal.
7. I have been acting weird towards you. I'm sorry. It'll go away once I'm free from IB shackles!
8. Where'd you go?
9. You made me cry Tuesday morning.
10. It's sad, but this will keep it from becoming all the previous breaks all over again. Now its crunch time.
11. I don't mean to mock you, but she and I are right, you have changed a ton and a half in a weird way. Also, I hate each one of your new friends.
12. I WILL have sex with you by the end of the summer, dammit.
13. You aren't my enemy. You couldn't be if you tried (which you kinda did.) Keep up with this, and we may have a real friendship on our hands. We haven't ever had that before.
14. It totally was your fault, even if it was a little bit mine, you still should've known better!! goof!
15. You were here and gone so fast, and with the timing, if I hadn't found out I never would've noticed. I hate this. I hate that I believe it now. But for some reason, I don't hate you. Should I? I really don't know.

A Haiku

IB is tricky
not the history exam
but I fear Bio.

To Put it as Simply as I Can:

I wish this hadn't happened to Jon.

Things Are Looking Up!

These last few weeks had been a little, well, shaky. Everyone, (me especially) had been cranky and stressed as a general rule, and I was really having a hard time staying motivated for my exams next week. But the last week has definitely been one of the best I can remember of high school.

- Prom - everything I dreamed it could be! Looking great, being with my friends, sunrise, breakfast, all of it was fantastic.
- My friends are happy - I'm really excited for Blair and Laura, she is much with the nice and pretty, and Emma finally has the boyfriend she deserves.
- My history award - I know this sounds cheesy, but I really was very honored to get it. I seriously felt like I was about to cry when Ms. Tucker was talking about it, but luckily I realized the gayness rating of that would far exceed legal limits. So I smiled and took my award (and presents! I was the only one to get presents! Three really awesome sounding books!) I know this whole speil sounds pretentious, but I've worked really hard in that class for the last two years, and I really am very passionate about it, and having the people you are working for recognize that... well, it's neat.
- Exams - that award really gave me the kick in the butt I needed to become super-motivated to do well next week! Here's to 7's in English and History! Here's to passing math and bio! Spanish.... uh, Spanish!

I'm ready!

Weekly Resolutions 4/28

1. Memorize 1812 (more)
2. Make new bank account
3. Make at least 3 graduation presents

Weekly Resolutions 4/7

This week:
1. Make an appointment with the *DU Honors* chair and finish the application.
2. Do ab *workouts* and/or run
3. Finish *_Rant_* by Chuck Palahniuk. I'm not crazy for it, kind of plotless, but I feel the need to finish.

The very worst thing about a breakup is

you don't just stop loving the person, you just stop seeing them. Right now it feels more like we just haven't been able to see each other in two weeks, less like he really just isn't a part of my life anymore.
...
Fuck this shit.

I never ever wouldve imagined

That I wouldn't even -speak- to Ian on my 18th birthday.

Things I Love Thursday!

This one is easy, because today is my….
drumroll…
18th BIRTHDAY!!!

SO rock.

I love:
-The flowers Kelsey got me, Pink lily like things!
-My new purse from Emma, totally perfect for this summer
-French Toast with my 2 BFFs
-Chinese with Blur
-Looking GORGEOUS today and getting all sorts of compliments and "happy birthday"s.
-Being forever done with CAS hours!
-anticipation for my family dinner tonight (and presents lol yay!)

Weekly Resolutions 3/31/08

1. Finish CAS
2. Look fabulous on my birthday
3. Finish my playlist for the party

Things I Love Thursday, 3/27

I am currently on Spring Break in Southern California, which is TOTALLY my happy place, so I love a lot this week!

1. The Beach. Being from Colorado, I couldn’t possibly be further from a beach, so today was the second time ive ever seen the ocean (thefirst being when I was 10) and it was a really beautiful experience for me. i need to get a beach imported to Denver!

2. My new A-line haircut! So cute I can’t wait to surprise everyone with it!

3. Fashion Island, the most gorgeous and incredible mall ive ever been to. It’s in Newport beach, ‘The OC’ territory. Coming from it is my EXTREMELY fashion forward new outfit from Urban outfitters which I love as well!

4. Disneyland rides. They are so extravagant and detailed it blows my mind! Nods go to Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Carribean, and their amazing new Finding Nemo Submarine ride. And the fireworks and water projection shows nearly made me weep in delight!

5. Getting rejected from Claremont McKenna College, my first choice school. This sounds peculiar I know, but I think it is the universe speaking to me and putting me where I really belong. Going to Claremont McKenna would mean moving to Cali, and DU keeps me close to my amazing support system of friends and family I love so much. Plus, I love Denver itself! I could never leave it!

Honorable Mention: Pistachios. I tried them for the first time my first day in Cali, and they are officially my new favorite snack!

Weekly Resolutions: Spring Break Edition

Spring break California vacation edition!

1. Continue to drink 3+ giant water bottles a day.
2. Never (within reason) say no when the kiddies Adam and Katie want to play.
3. Take a picture of a really sick shark and a bamf whale at sea world.

1, 2, 3, 4. [Is there a song that I hate more? >_<]

31.5 Approximate number of hours of Spanish class left
173 Number of words in my poetry essay. I need about 827 more.
96 Theoretical number of minutes I've been 'working on it.'
8 Number on a scale of 1-10 that I would rate my current headache.
0 Amount of patience I seemed to have had on my traditional 'Wednes-date' today.
5 Number of pounds I have gained this week.
10 Size of my prom dress.
14 Size I am going to need at this rate.
70 Score I got on the history DBQ. I thought that was supposed to be the class I was good at?
62 Percent of tuition offered to me in merit scholarships at my
3 rd choice school.
16 Percent odds that I will be accepted to my first choice school.
67 Number of days until I graduate
0 amount of certainty I feel about any day after that.

Weekly Resolutions 3/16/08

1. Finish Molly's mix CDs - a 6 disc volume of getting her into listening to indie, plus mini-biographies on the 30 bands. lol i = music geek!

2. Do nice things for my sister every day. She is in her school's production of Les Miserables, so she'll be at school till 11 every night, not to mention stressed. I remember the feeling. She could definitely enjoy her room being spontaneously cleaned or a magical breakfast to go, i think.

3. Take pictures of my gorgeous new outfits for my 100 in 1001 blog (thesummerintodust.blogspot.com) to work on #22.

4. Finish 3 calculus worksheets. (Left over from last week, bad Kayla!)

5. Start a new book, either Dan Brown or ...Gossip Girl.

101 in 1001.

my new blog.

thesummerintodust.blogspot.com

Sleazy Mutant Romance!

Sir Lancelot gazed fondly into the soft blue pools of Lady Guineviere's eyes and gently held her mutant third hand. Wait, what?

http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/

Things I Love Thursday! 3/13

1. I got into Denver University (2nd choice) and University of Puget Sound (3rd choice) yesterday, and I only need to wait two more weeks before I hear from Claremont McKenna . I got 50% merit scholarship at UPS too!

2. I unearthed my old gameboy and played pokemon yellow for the first time in ten years. I adore 8 year old regression time!

3. My 101 in 1001 list I'm about to cross off two by the end of the week!

4. CSAP week.

5. Planning my Senior pictures outfits! I'll post again when they've been taken.

It is Over.

It's over. The waiting, nights waking up in literally a cold sweat, terrorizing every moment that I would end up having to apply to Red Rocks because I didn't apply to any schools I could get into.

Now that's all done.

The verdict is . . . . I am IN.

to DU!

I'm going to go to college!

Now if Claremont McKenna would only let me know...
you know, I would almost be fine if they rejected me. Being close to my best friends is plenty incentive to stay in the state I like a lot anyway.
But don't take that too seriously, CMC. I still adore you.

*First sigh of relief in 6 months*

Weekly Resolutions 3/10/08

1. Finish The Serpent and the Rainbow by Wade Davis. Its about Haitian zombies!
2. Let’s try this again… ten minutes of abs each day!
3. Drink at minumum 60 oz of water a day. Let’s kill that water weight!
4. Turn in CAS forms!
5. Complete two calculus worksheets!

and, if I am doing well (100%) by Friday…

6. Treat myself to this month’s Cosmopolitan!

The Calculus is Fun!

Zimgirl16 (9:00:51 PM): lol what -is- the derivative of sin? like, of sex before marriage?
Yozri Yirgg (9:01:35 PM): well, you'd have to find the slope
Yozri Yirgg (9:01:38 PM): which'd be tough
Yozri Yirgg (9:01:44 PM): unless you had a sex ramp

Things I Love Thursday!

1. Spike from Buffy! The cheekbones....
2. The fact that even if it is catastrophic, my Spanish oral will be O-V-E-R after 11:30am tomorrow!
3. El Espinada del Diablo y El Labrinto del Fauno (Pan's Labrynth), while on the subject of my Spanish oral. At least it is over movies I love!
4. Studying the Cold War now in history! *geek*
5. My new fish! He is a blue betta named Icky, short for Ichthyopod (means fish in geek speak) I've never had one before, I had to get him for a biology experiment, and i didn't have the heart to give him away. any fish tips for a first-timer?
6. The Serpent and The Rainbow by Wade Davis. About Haitian zombies. ZOMBIES ARE REAL!
7. America's Next Top Model (I can't believe they kicked off Allison for being bitchy! A total first time for ANTM... I kinda like the sassy ones...)
8. Starbucks' new honey lattes! I kind of had two today... lol not so good for the calorie count but AWESOME for the taste buds.

Walnuts

are ugly.

Weekly Resolutions

1. Do 10 minutes of pilates ab work every day (satin prom dress satin prom dress!)

2. Finish CAS.

3. Do AT LEAST 4 calculus problems per worksheet IN CLASS

4. Wear creative makeup one day this week

5. Practice my Spanish oral about Guillermo del Toro every day until Thursday!

I am an ACTUAL Fugitive Now!

I just hope the good kids are okay. Poor good kids don't know that 'stay right there' means 'run like hell' when you are trying to climb up on your high school's roof.

The little things

Are what make weeks like this bearable.

Today at Barnes and noble I was bummed I couldn't afford to buy this month's acclaimed cosmo, yet lo and behold, when I get home its sitting on the banister, a free gift subscription for my parents upgrading our phone line.

... Who could ask for anything more?

OH GOD YOU ARE SO TERRIFYING!

Aren't you? AREN'T YOU???!!!!
...you are even real!

Jeph Jaques Might Be Evil...

The creator of Questionable Content has a link up on his site to an HIV-denial site. That is, denying that the HIV virus causes AIDS and we should stop researching HIV.

http://www.thelastloversonearth.com>

...please don't be evil, Jeph!

I Bet You Still Read This

That's all I'm saying.

I'm not strong enough for that.

How am I supposed to be able to say goodbye to you? There will be some day when I have to actually come see you to say goodbye. I will know which is our last kiss. I can't imagine the will power that is going to take, to say, 'okay, that was the last time I will ever kiss you.'

Quince. (See, Mr. Gordon, I CAN speak Spanish! bastard.)

1. You DON'T like me, I KNEW it! Nice subtlety there, sister. But seriously though, why? I thought you were generally cool with me. Well, that's okay, I don't like you either.
2. One: You are a bastard. Two: I bet I speak Spanish fine. Three: You are a bastard.
3. I thought about calling in my contingency plan and considered letting things continue indefinitely within the same three hour period. At least it usually ends up somewhere in the middle, or else I would go nuts.
4. It's like every second I see you I just HATE you exponentially more. I swear you dress like that JUST to piss me off.
5. This is SO ridiculous. I mean, wasn't this over three YEARS ago? You think you are impressing people with the 'oh, only you get me, i'm SO dark, no one even knows' act, but that is ALL it is, and all you can ever do, because you act so much I think you forgot how to have real emotions.
6. I can't stop thinking about you. I HATE that.
7. You were absent today. It was AWESOME. Do that more.
8. I tried not to jump to conclusions, but that was too cute to be non-intentional. Was I right?
9. So if it's my idea, you are not interested. Story of our lives, eh?
10. You are so the best IM partner in years!
11. You are a grown up in one minute. dont start acting like one!
12. You appear to only have one flaw. for realz?
13. I get SO MAD when I think about you! *sigh* stupid calendar.
14. You are cute. I will miss you in March! But you get to be a whore, which is really exciting! lol
15. You can trust me.

Consortiums and Pages.

Zimgirl16 (09:28:14 pm): lol its part of the 'consortium' with pomona, scripps, harvey mudd and such
Zimgirl16 (09:28:21 pm): nice and pretentious, i know
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:28:57 pm): a consortium seems evil to me.
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:28:58 pm): haha
Zimgirl16 (09:30:54 pm): hehe, maybe i will be facing off with the justice league by my junior year! one can only hope.
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:31:57 pm): yeah, i hear there are great internship opportunites under supervillians.
Zimgirl16 (09:33:06 pm): getting coffee and uranium and all that.
D3af3ningSil3nc3 (09:33:57 pm): really a good idea to get into the field, start working up the career ladder to evil mastermind.
Zimgirl16 (09:36:50 pm): >_< i just tried to type the HUAC was started by Sen.spiderman.
Zimgirl16 (09:36:54 pm): it wasnt.
Zimgirl16 (09:37:04 pm): he was only a page at the time

you CRAZY-ass!

"Not only do I not want a North American Union, I want us out of the U.N., the IMF, the World Bank, the WTO, UNICEF, AFTA and CAFTA. NAFTA has nothing to do for free trade. … [Free trade] is very, very important, but you don't get that by world government."

-Ron Paul

Opposes reauthorization of the assault weapons ban. Opposes mandatory trigger locks for handguns. Opposes waiting periods for gun purchases. Owns a variety of firearms. NRA member. Has a concealed carry permit.
-Huckabee

Which One? Courtesy of Cache <3

HATE HATE HATE HATE

Fucking Jendo!

It's Really Not Fair.

CHRONICLES OF NARNIA

....Prince Caspian.

May 14th.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I am SUCH a Narnia geek.

>_<

Because I don't want to end the night grouchy,

A Soundtrack to Me!

Pick ten-fifteen songs, write a memory with each.


Basket Case - Green Day - Because I knew the words to this song, I met three of my favorite friends from high school, Morgan, Lauren and Cacia. Singing [quietly] backstage before the second orchestra concert of the year.

Rush - 2112 - Okay, so this is really an album, but it is entirely representative of the one night Haley and Neil and I spent at Kenton's, which remains one of the best of high school. This memory would be complete if one were to throw in a bag of doritos, magic cards, crouching tiger and my death cab for cutie tshirt being worn by not me. And Not haley. and not kenton. lol.

Anything by Muse - It turns out that when freshmen girls get locked in a dark temp far removed from the school while decorating spring flings, they tend to fall in love with Matt McGorrin for about three days. Its a common problem.

Work - Jimmy Eat World - The Lindsey Goad phase, and all that came with it. In particular, I get dressed for spring fling with lindsey, emma and anqi. Anqi and lindsey proceed to tell my insecure freshman self I look like a skank, and they give me 'more appropriate' clothing. Yet that was still an oddly fun night.

Going Away to College - Blink-182 - My first boyfriend wrote the lyrics to this song in a card and I, not having heard the song before, asked him if he wrote them. He, being nuts, said yes. I, being gullible, believed him. Goes down in sophomore lore forever.

Neighborhood #3 - Arcade Fire - This was the first indie song I ever heard. It remains one of my favorites. This song gave me a completely new lifestyle, all by itself.

Carousel - Blink 182 - My first date with Ian. His dad picked us up from school and drove us to the mills. We both sat in the backseat and neither of us talked. We walked around aimlessly for an hour or so, he asked me what my favorite color was awkwardly and he bought Burger King for dinner. All in all, an adorably awkward first date. As they all should be.

There's Always Someone Cooler Than You - Ben Folds - We probably listened to this song every day sophomore year when we would every day go to Good Times for lunch and every day eat it in front of Mr Hannagan, with whom we were always willing to share fries.

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny - Lemon Demon - This ridiculous song was repeated word for word by Sam outside of my Geometry class with complete sincerity. For a sophomore, this apparently makes a person a real catch. (said with un-bitter sarcasm. Just normal sarcasm.)

The Mariner's Revenge Song - The Decemberists - It is an indie song, and it is about pirates. It could only be allison and I's favorite song for weeks on end. We even had plans to enact its vengeful plot on unruly ex boyfriends.

Build Me Up Buttercup - The Temptations - Howling the lyrics to this every ten minutes with my 23 best friends for two weeks - LEP 2006. In particular, when we all just let Jay sing the lead vocals and he had 20+ backup singers.

The Luckiest - Ben Folds - I bet Ben didn't realize how bitter this song can be when he wrote it. It is certainly bittersweet because as lovely as the song is, it reminds me of every bad thing to happen to my best friend in our junior year, of which there were too many. But all those things got us where we are now, so I suppose it deserves noting.

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes - Of course, this song makes it here. It was written on a window just for me, and I feel the same way i did when I saw it that first time every time I hear it.

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's - Standing on the precipice of what would become a very pivotal summer with nothing more than hopes for the best, and new friends. That 'best' that we were hoping for apparently didn't get the invite, but that kind of anticipation and uncertainty that May held was kind of a great feeling, in a way.

Julie-O - Mark Summers - Allison is an amazing cellist, and reminds me I will always, always have music (and her) in my life.

Intervention - Arcade Fire - Now we are pretty much grown ups, and we have to move out into the real world, inherit all its problems and hope that maybe we can make a difference out there. To really, really kickass organ chords. (One can only hope.)

I know you're all mostly right,

but i do know some things for myself. like I totally realize what we have isn't the ideal in a lot of respects, but when it is, when something cute or sweet happens that makes me all bubbly, not a single one of you care at all. I mean, my one year anniversary was two weeks ago. Did anyone ask me about it? No, not so much, not a fucking person. Not even my own mother. Because how could something so dysfunctional ever be good enough to make me happy? I know most of the time you are right, but there do exist two actual human beings in this relationship, with the same amount of personality qualities as anyone else, even some great ones, believe it or not. It's not fair, and I know that you've all three gone through things similar to this, but maybe you could just remember how it feels when that is all you hear from anyone. Its like no one thinks you are capable of making your own decisions, that everyone knows better than you do.
I'm not making any excuses, God knows he's done some things seriously wrong, but there is a reason I'm still happy, maybe my word will be taken on that one a little.

And to whom it may concern, on our anniversary he brought me flowers and told me he would never trade the last year for the world, for all the imperfections it might have had.
And I feel the same way.


But I'm not mad at you guys, just frustrated with the situation. Don't get me wrong.

To lavender pillow spray:

Where have you been all my life?

... I feel so perfectly girly.

My dreams will even smell good!

You aren't even -trying-.

You are the opposite of trying.

15 'gain.

1. Maybe you aren't so good for me. Maybe you fuck with me just a liiiitle too much.
2. You are going to be hella pissed at us, but I hope we are still friends after!
3. Since when do you KNOW that I hate you? I am supposed to be the bitch to -you-, not the other way around!
4. You are so yucky. What was I thinking? I guess I didn't have to be around you too much.
5. You do -want- to make things the way they were again, right? An off hour difference shouldn't be enough to do this much damage.
6. Oh grandma, what blue tights you have! What a disturbing jumper! (Yes I know you got two but whatevs I hate you twice as much as the average bear.)
7. You are doing great.
8. I am so worried for you. I don't know if you can (or will, i guess) do this without being told what to do, but I guess that doesn't say much for me.
9. Back off, beeotch!
10. Our house has a revolving door. We have a Mary Poppins date. Don't forget?
11. On and off, but the On was short this time. *phew!*
12. If I am going to spend 75+ hours locked in either a smelly room or a dark hole, I'm glad it's with you!
13. You a crazy bitch. P.S. Please do not wear different gaudy dangly earrings in each ear again, it is too hard to learn math and biology AND spanish when I am laughing that hard. (Oh God, I just realized I have 4 classes with you, GROSS!)
14. You make fun of me for it, but I do laugh at pretty much everything you say.
15. I miss you I miss you I miss you. We don't even live that far apart. What is WRONG with us?

Tat!

P.S. That is not my arm.

I used to feel like a princess with you.

Do you at least think I'm still worth it?

15 fellows

1. I saw this coming a mile away, and believe me, I really wanted to stop it from happening. But how do you tell someone something like that? You can't and its terrible, because I would've done anything to keep you from ever being hurt, ever. No one deserves it less.
2. You sure did 180. When I first met you, I really thought all the other guys in town had a thing or two to learn from you. Turns out, the only thing anyone should learn from you is how to self-destruct and lose your perfect girlfriend and all your friends by being a lying asshole. Funny how that can sometimes happen.
3. You. There have only been two of you, and you were in some ways the most intense. I've never figured you out, and it bugs me that you dangled it in front of me and then did your famous disappearing act. I know things aren't radically different now from how they've been all year, but they feel like it. More un-bridgable. That's thanks to her of course.
4. I just thought of you totally randomly. I don't remember very much, but I do remember your eyes were grey, we listened to nirvana on your discman as ipods hadn't been invented yet, you went to the dance with a girl named Shae. Also, since I met you in the summer between 8th and 9th grade, you were the first boy I flirted with and you've got a couple other firsts too. What's become of you, I wonder. How odd that I used to know you but now we both still exist.
5. I hope things work out for you. I don't think you are fake like everyone else, I think you just have a genuinely hard time with things we all take for granted. But I think you are genuinely kind too.
6. I met you in a very impressionable time, so you came to represent everything I thought high school would be. You were such a... I don't know, a 'concept person,' if that makes any sense. Meeting you really changed my life. Hell, you were even my first kiss. (I will never get over how weird that is.) When you left, I learned about injustice for the first time. It was a big deal to fight something so hard and lose. I think we all took something away from that. I have no doubt that my life, I, would be drastically different if you had never left. We do miss you a lot, sometimes.
7. Break up with the hagfish already! Or should I say catfish. All of us remember some pretty great times with you, we would like to have some more before we graduate!
8. Man, you have a history of making me hella confused periodically. I always come to the same (and correct) conclusion, but otherwise you're a pretty fun friend.
9. Too bad you can't be as nice as you were last spring. What a weird blip. I think my best friend just has a knack for bringing out the best in those that fall for her, even if in your case the effect was tragically temporary. Man, you sure are a prick nowadays though.
10. It really, really sucks that we can never have our friend back. He used to be alright, and we miss that guy.
11. To Seth Cohen : you are my soulmate, please don't be a fictional O.C. character anymore.
12. You are just plain bizarre. Which is the opposite of a yak.
13. You are doing an excellent job, keep up the good work there, tiger.
14. I'm glad I have met your acquaintance this year, you have quite the wit and are pretty nice to boot.
15. I saved you for last because of course you mean more to me than you can imagine. I met you two and a half years ago, and yoi have been changing my life ever since. I haven't been able to get you out of my head, nor have I wanted to. You've taught me that silly little lesson they sing about so much in moulin rouge, which really is the greatest thing you'll ever learn. I digress in yucky mushiness, however. What ever ends up happening in our futures, I know you will always, always be a part of my life. I wouldn't and couldn't have it any other way. I love you.

How to Lose [and find] Yourself In Three Days.

Tuesday night I was so wracked with guilt and terror and helplessness that I actually could not sleep, period.

This came from a revelation that I actually have no desire to go to music school, a realization so huge that I became terrified I was only making it out of laziness. Also didn't help that my FRYS director thinks I quit FRYS weeks ago, something I definitely didn't do. And my legs were REALLY itchy. So no sleep.

I wondered Wednesday as I drove to math class [fifteen minutes late], am I losing it? Am I becoming ambitionless, am I giving up on myself and my dreams [not to mention my cello], do I have any convictions or passions left, who am I even anymore???

I may have been overreacting.

Since then, I have accepted that maybe music school really wasn't what I thought it would be, and maybe it isn't so terrible of me to make the decision not to follow it, at least for now.

Today, I rediscovered my passion for history. Not as lucrative or romantic as a passion to study music, but I really do like it an awful lot.

Also, I hate my stand partner.
Let me tell you why this is important.
I really cannot stand this girl. She is a chunky, obnoxious, whiny girl that never got over being voted 'best sense of humor' in eighth grade graduation. Most importantly, she is trying to be me. I earned the title 'Benevolent Dictator' within my section after months of bossing everyone around. Now she comes around, a JUNIOR, trying to boss people!
Nuh UH.
That's my job so hugely.
So now, the best way to get at someone like that is to boss them. She could never STAND it! hehehe. But it is imperative that if I am going to tell her to watch the sharps, I know the sharps pretty damn well myself, or else I will have absolutely no credibility and that just won't do. So hatred has motivated me to become a kick-ass cellist and section leader, just to piss her off.
It works, I practiced for two hours today.

So things aren't as bad as Wednesday-me thought they were. This has prompted me to come up with what I like to call

THE GAME PLAN.
1. Content yourself with your college choices, now excluding Puget Sound School of Music and Berklee.You will love CMC or DU.
2. Do your homework, keep your grades nice and tidy.
3. Keep up with Pit Orchestra, be psycho about not missing rehearsal.
4. Stay at Target until your 18th birthday in April. Then, promptly quit and apply for a job you don't hate quite so bad. Think Borders, Buckle, Hot Topic maybe.
5. Boyfriend situation: good. Be super cute on 1 year anniversary, coming up a week from tomorrow. See at least twice a week until musical is over.
6. Renounce Mock Trial quitting guilt, since you still don't regret it at ALL.
7. Friends situation: Stable. Find the other bee eff eff and find out what the heck is going on.
8. Make the book.
9. Get yourself to Buffalo, Twist and Shout, get a Paste magazine for God's sake! You used to call yourself a hipster! For shame. Take Alli.
10. Also, watch Buffy with Alli.
11. Get IN to all-county. Past that, enjoy the day at Boettcher.

This should get me through the next five months alright. Its all downhill from here, in the GOOD sense, not the losery sense.

Second Semester Begins!

It was unspectacular.

Senioritis commence.....3..........2........1

Dear 2008,

Hey, hey hey. I really think we've started off on the wrong foot here, 2008. I was innocently looking forward to you as much as the next guy, and what do I get? Two hours into you you smack me with a fever of 103.2, and the very next day you smack me with wonderful news that will keep me bedridden for the rest of your first week, and now you've convinced me to give up on music school?
Now, I don't think this is quite fair.
I've got nothing against you, 2008! In fact, you could say I've been counting down to you for twelve years; I graduate in you, I become an adult in you, I go to college in you! I'm pretty fond of you, in theory! So whats with the playa hatin'? Believe me, the last thing I need is a shitty 2008, so why don't we start over? And maybe set down some more ground rules:
1. NO MORE wonky diseases.
2. No dumb immatureness fights. I would like to actually leave high school entirely in you and not carry on that little aspect.
3. If possible, no world wars or epidemics? This may be asking a lot, but I really do have a lot on my plate already.
4. No heartbreak! None for me, none for my friends, none for anyone!
5. Goodish grades? Please?
6. No new bitches and/or hoes. The old ones will suffice.
7. No financial hardship beyond normal college poorness.
8. A little inspiration? This is a biggie.
9. Maturity for me!
10. As for my friends, I'm pretty good with them. Please do not be evil to them either.

Thank you, 2008, and I'm sure if we can both follow these little guidelines things will shape up in a hurry.

P.S. Oh and THANKS for making me think we went back to school on the 9th! lies, all lies.